A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone ! I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. I love my boyfriend but lately things have been going downhill. He can't let go of my past. I don't know how he found out I hooked up with a guy before him and he keeps throwing that in face. I regret my past so much but it's not as bad he makes it seem. I've only been with 3 guys before my boyfriend but they were only one night stands. I know that was never right but I'm young and stupid. Because of that my boyfriend thinks I'm the biggest whore and that I hooked up with everybody. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't wanna deal with this anymore but I love him too much and don't wanna break up with him. I don't know how to get him to let go of my past when he doesn't believe me. I just don't know what to do anymore. Help ? Please and thank you so much.
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female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (6 January 2014):
 You do not have to feel guilty about anything!Firstly us ladies have the same needs as men sometimes, we want to feel someone warm next to us, we want to feel adored for a while, we sometimes just want sex and that's all ok - if you protect yourselfAnd sometimes one night stands are awful, but sometimes if two adults know it's just for one night it can be fun.And this happened before you met him, was he expecting you on your first date to go with a CV type document of your sexual experiences? Is this what the anonymous responder would expect... I like all the other comments, it's your past and it's 18mts later anyway. I'm 36 and believe me, you don't have to be young and stupid to want a bit of fun ;) and whilst your young your not stupid and lovely you are not a whore and any man who makes you feel like that is not a keeper x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2013): the past may be the past, but everything we do in life has an effect on someone for better or worse. the fact that you hoped, and tried to keep your past covered up instead of being honest with your boyfriend gives him mistrust with you.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (29 December 2013):
 I don't know the real motivations that lead your boyfriend to act like that, and the exact circonstancies he throw your regretted past to your face.Hypothesis 1: he is an hypocrite and a manipulator who founds his power on your "guiltiness". In that case, dump the dumber as soon as possible or your life will be a hell !Hypothesis 2: he is very proud of his past sexual innocence, he is very moral and a real good guy. Then try to explain people sometimes do stupid things at young age, but one can improve herself from these errors and even him as made mistakes in his youth, some that leaves him the bitter taste of a stupid beginning in life. If he loves you, he must "turn the page" or make the choice to lose you as you can't change the past. Maybe the simple idea to lose you - or the fear to be the one to be dumped - will wake him up.All the bests.
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A
female
reader, rose the relationship solver +, writes (28 December 2013):
 past is called the past for a reason, if he cant let that go and grow the hell up he aint worth it darlin.it was b4 u got together so he has no ryt calling u these names, im sure he slept with other women before u got with him . either he let it go or u let him go.....it not wrth the trouble. good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): Move on! Take it from someone twice your age. Don't waste your life trying to fix something that is not worth fixing. Believe me, he is not the only guy you will meet. No one can make you feel bad, or mistreat you. Without your permission. So please, stop giving him permission.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (28 December 2013):
 " i don't know what to do anymore. i don't wanna deal with this anymore " come clean with him tell him you was young and stupid, tell him from your heart that you made mistakes. the fact they were meaningless sex does not help things. the fact you do not want to deal with this does not help things. the fact he found out of your past instead of you telling him does not help out. his trust in you is not at best that you was hiding the truth and trying to keep things covered. you have been with three guys that was meaningless sex,to him he does not feel much better or more special than the ones you were with. hiding the past does not help things.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (28 December 2013):
This is not something we can help with because the problem exists with your boyfriend. I think after one year, it is a bit silly to be angry and jealous of past relationships. End it because should any problem arise, he will only blame your past. Since he can blame your past and get away with it, there isn't anything you can do about it. Sorry but you are with the wrong guy in this age group and you will end up wasting a lot of time trying to make this guy understand anything. To him, he has no problem.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): The problem is not your past, it's the fact that you are still a liar in the present. If you hadn't lied to him then he could have decided not to get involved with you if it bothered him so much.
By the way, saying "it was only one night stands" is probably not going to make your BF feel better about it. Quite the opposite. Most guys would be less bothered by their GF sleeping with people she felt something for, or had some kind of relationship even if it wasn't exclusive. If you have meaningless sex with other guys then how can your BF feel like it means something when you give him the gift of exactly the same thing? He can't feel that way.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 You cant make him let go of your past, he doesn't want to let go of your past, being able to throw your past in your face gives him power and control over you.
From the age you have given us I am assuming your boyfriend is too immature to recognise the problem is his, he has retroactive jealousy, and until he recognises he has a problem nothing will happen to change the situation.
You need to decide if you are prepared to accept his behaviour in belittling and down talking you, you also need to determine if his behaviour towards you has been progressively getting worse, and you need to decide how long you can continue to live like this.
For more information use the search feature on Dear Cupid and look up questions and answers for retroactive jealousy.
Personally, I don't think things are going to change any time soon and that you should simply pick up your purse and walk.
Good luck whichever path you chose!
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