A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now.After 3 months of going out i found pictures of other girls on his phone with no top on they had sent him. I also found very forward texting to one girl in particular who he was speaking to on msn , She was going on webcam to him and he was too. I confronted him and threatened to end the relationship but he said he promised he'd never do it again and had no reason to justify his behaviour. We carried on and then a few months later i found more pictures from girls in his received files. Which again , he was sorry for but said they were sent at the same time he was texting the previous girls. It still hurt and my trust was totally broken.A few weeks ago i checked his history on the computer and he's be searching chat rooms...and webcam chat rooms.Again i confronted him extremely upset about it, And he said it was "just like porn". Which i dont think is correct as it's far more personal and degrading to me.This week i have found conversations again to the girl from last year sending him pictures of her "double DD's"...him complimenting her on how amazing she is and he proposed texting her in which she gave him her number. Recently i have noticed him hiding his phone more than usual and caught him deleting texts a few days ago.I wanted to know what the text consisted of so he said it was harmless "what you up to" sort of stuff. So i emailed the girl (who he's never met that lives 50miles away) and asked her. She told me they had been inappropriate message he had sent but she thinks he clearly loves me as he sent her a message telling her he only loved me and has betrayed me.I've packed my bags and moved back to my flat.He's gutted and not stopped crying.I really want to take him back as he said it's never hit him this hard as i've never ended the relationship before.His whole life was me and my friends.Yet then again. He is my whole life and i cant help but think it's a trivial addiction he has to receiving pictures!I honestly dont know what to do. All i want to do is forgive him. But part of me cant help but think it will happen in another year or two. Or if not that then he will find someone better.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Something is called a second chance because it is just that. A second chance. Not a third, fourth, or fifth chance. I know it hurts, but he will just continue to hurt you. This is not "like porn," this is like cheating. He's having sexual interactions with other real live people who respond to him. I hope you can find the strength to leave him, as he has not been stopping at all, he's just been hiding his tracks better and will continue to do so. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't seek sexual attention elsewhere. He's being a jerk.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Web cam sex, stream sex, is not the same as porn. People don't talk to actors on the screen. What you had is not a boyfriend, you are just a roommate and someone who's willing to have sex with him when the girls with steaming hot bodies on the computer won't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks rambini .
I realise this and it feels like my head and my heart are at war. And cindy your probably also very right.
I'll keep you posted on my decision. I just wish it was the first time it has happened. The fact he cant really explain why he's done it is the most frustrating part :(
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Of course it will happen again. Probably you'd find it out later, though - because he'll just learn to cover his tracks better.
Forgive me for sounding cynical, but ...you have already caught it him red-handed, what ? 4 or 5 times ?... How many "second chances " can you give to people ? Then again, yr bf admits being addicted to this "passtime".
like any addiction,he can kick it if he wants- but he needs to want that real,real bad . Does he ?
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (25 April 2010):
 It must be really hard, and i can understand you wanting to forgive him. but u made it very clear 3 months in that this sort of behaviour was unacceptable, it happened again. then 6 months in, it happened again and you told him it was unacceptable. then it happens again 2 years in, and again you have made it clear that it is unacceptable. i really can't see that this man is going to change. he has had ample chances, and each time he has promised it will be the last and yet it happens again. even if he wants to change, he has proved that he can't. someone who is 100% happy and satisfied in a relationship does not need to spend the evenings on dirty chat sites and webcams to other girls, texting other girls. texting particularly is very personal, he is giving them his personal number, and it is only going to get worse. im sorry, and i really hope you find the strength to stick by your decision and leave this man for good. best of luck xx
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