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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am in a relationship in which I met the guy in college, dated off and on for 8 years and then I moved away. 10 years later I returned to the same city and we have resumed our relationship. The problem now is that he has gone through a terrible relationship and has a drinking problem. He has told me that he loves me but he has also told me that he is not capable of being in a relationship right now. However we have been proceeding as if we are in a relationship including having sex. I have noticed that when things are good between us, he sabotages the relationship by doing something or saying things to hurt me and push me away. I guess I am confused as to if he really loves me and if he does why he just won't let the relationship progress. His mother tells me that he is afraid of me. What can I do to make him stop fearing me and stop the sabotage? What steps can I take to make him just let the relationship happen? Or should I just give up on him and move on?
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female
reader, caffeinequeen +, writes (1 November 2005):
The drinking problem is the real issue. It takes a lot of patience to be able to deal with someone who puts alcohol before intimacy.Ask yourself if you are willing to support him emotionally while he finds solutions to end his problem.If he is not willing to do anything about it, then, you will have to decide if it is worth if for you to stay in a non-relationship with someone who cannot be constant.I wish you good luck.
A
female
reader, Babi +, writes (31 October 2005):
Well I think the first thing that needs to happen for the relationship to work is to seek help for his drinking problem. That is probably the main cause to his nastyness and it will never work whilst he has that problem.
When he is receiving help you may notice a change in him, if not then you need to explain to him that its all or nothing. You care about him dearly and tell him that if he doesn't get his act together then he'll lose you completely.
But only once he gets help for his problem, if he refuses to then turn around and walk away and save yourself anymore heart ache!
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