A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend has lied to me many times but never cheated on me. he has lied to me for the past 7 months, and the whole time he was lying to me i was still trying to recover from his past lies. he knew i was emotionally vulnerable and i had also been very very clear that i expected and needed nothing less than full disclosure and honesty from him. he has been telling me that hes not hiding anything from me anymore and that he has changed and that i can trust him. even though while he was saying those things, he had this other secret in the back of his mind.weve been together for nearly 4 years and like i said he has lied on probably 4 or 5 occasions and every time he has said that he will change. but the other day he confessed that he's been lying to me and hiding things from me for the last 7 months. since he told me i have felt nuts.i know that because of his lies i have become a very very jealous person. since his lies were all related to him hiding women from me and misrepresenting his contact with these women, i dont trust him around other girls. at all. and this new lie has shattered my heart. i dont know how you can claim to love someone when all you do is lie. he has never cheated but i wouldnt say that hes been faithful- because he lies to me.i am a very honest person and i have never lied to him. in fact i have devoted the last 4 years to our relationship, to making him happy. i live by the rule "dont do anything when he's not around that you wouldn't do if he was standing next to you." this rule is a guideline for my behavior when hes not with me. i dont do things that would hurt or anger him.he has not granted me this same respect.i love him and i dont know how to live without him.i want to make it work but i have this pain in my stomach. i feel nauseous and anxious. i need someone to talk to. can anyone offer me an ear and some advice? i feel very very very hurt and angry and confused. i feel like i want to die. i have even been thinking of hurting myself (i used to cut myself about 3 and a half years ago, and i have suffered with serious depression and been on medication for it so i am not exactly stable as it is but this is making me worse). like i said, i have become jealous. he recently added two gorgeous girls on facebook and he also had their cell phone numbers in his cellphone. i have never met them, they go to his university with him and they are in one of his classes. i flipped out and started yelling at him and telling him that i didnt trust him and all that. i dont trust him. i dont want to be jealous but he has made me very distrusting and suspicious. i feel like hes going to do something behind my back with them and lie to me about it.i feel like he doesnt really love me.i have become self-loathing and insecure over the past 3 years, since he started lying. it has changed me completely, i have never been so irrational and jealous. i want to trust him. he says he will never lie to me again and he says i am gorgeous and he doesnt want any other girls but how do i believe him? what do i do?
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cheated on me, facebook, insecure, jealous, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): No, you do not love him, you are addicted to him. Please go do some research and find out about that. You will never be happy with him, you will take a lot to recover and be happy with someone else, but the sooner you stop with this relationship, the less work it will be for you to have a successful relationsip later.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 He tells lies because if he were to tell you the truth , you would find it unacceptable and may break up with him.
If you think
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 Hi
From an outsiders point of view i would run as fast away from this guy as i could. I was lied to by someone. Basically for my own protection because he didnt wanna lose me, to do with an ex and her teen daughter, but still lies, and after some brief time apart we got back together and by then the previous issue was no longer an issue, so i thought it would be fine. He told me too that he would never make that same mistake again. And as far as i know he hasnt lied again but we split recently and i have a niggling feeling that he did lie to me, basically to do with money. Both times were nothing to do with cheating by the way. But at the end of the day, im like you, i cant stand lies and want the same morals in a guy. Unfortunately not all people have such loyalty and they will always make you miserable.
I feel sorry for them because unless they meet some complete airhead that has crud instincts and wont know they are lying, they are going to go from one naff relationship to another. When all they have to do is be an honest person, and they would be happy for a long time with a decent person.
Sad isnt it. My opinion is that you are better off quitting this one and chilling for a while til mr ideal comes along. Rather than stay on that rollercoaster with mr selfish.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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