A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im just curious as to what others think about this type of behaviour from men, and if my own conclusions are wrong. When I broke up with my boyfriend he told me he loved me and always will, that he will leave the door to his heart open for me and hopes that I will change my mind and come back to him. But that even if I don't, he only wishes what is best for me, and that I find happiness with someone else.Sounds cute, but when we were meeting up for me to collect my things from his apartment we got into a fight as I found out he had been going through some personal belongings of mine. I told him that I had problems with trusting him during our relationship (this was part of the reason for the breakup), and when I found out he had been going through my things I told him this is why I can't trust him any more. As a result he blew up in my face and didn't allow me to gather the rest of my belongings and basically told me off.Later on I got a message from him saying I could come get my things at another time and he'd tell me when. Then a week goes by without a word, and he didn't reply to texts or messages and I was very concerned about ever getting my things, as he had threatened me with throwing them away. Then finally he answers and I go to collect the rest of my things. We end up in another fight over him saying he didn't mean to hurt me by ignoring me for a week, he just had "more important things than me" to deal with". I commented that thats just the way he was, and hence he blew up on me again, doing the same thing all over, and basically holding my things hostage so he could get to yell at me, and telling me I need to be nice to him or else I can't have my things, that I was lying to him, that I didn't care about my things I was just there to harass him, you can imagine. He started placing words in my mouth and basically it got nasty, while I had to sit there and take it. I even apologized for my comment about "thats just how you are", but it wasn't to no good. After another hour of this I couldn't deal with it any more, and decided my things aren't worth it. So now he has kept my things, told me he would throw them out, he also refuses to pay me back money he owes me, and I don't have a contract with him that states the amount, and can't make a claim for it without going through a whole commotion. Which he was kind enough to list up to me as an insurance that it wouldn't be worth the bother for me. Before I left I asked him how he could claim to still love me and want me back after this treatment. He said he still does love me! But that he doesn't want me back as I am "now", supposedly treating him badly after our breakup.So what's the take on it, does he really love me still and want me back, and just can't control his anger, or was it all lies? Im not taking him back in either case, but I can't help but think he must have not loved me after all, because if you love someone and want them back you wouldn't be denying them their belongings and stealing their money, would you?
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female
reader, MsVick  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 He is using your belongings to keep you in contact with him. He has no plans to give them back nor pay back the money he owes you. This is just a way for him to control you and stroke his ego. I would say let the items go and forget about it. Write it off as a learning lesson and move on in life.
good luck
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Ok i actually think that he does love you but you left him therefore he is trying to use anything he can to see you, first of he told you twice to come around for your things it may have resulted in argument the both times but he is holding your things hostage as this is the last part he has of you, and he is turning quite possesive, he thinks in his head that if he keeps your belonging then he will keep some part of you in his life, again with the money he thinks that you will keep at him until he gives you the money therefore he is not doing it as he wants to keep you in his life, he is heart broken at the moment and he doesnt know what else to do, he isnt thinking clearly and doesnt actually realise that this is pushing you further away from him as he is delusional at the moment, i suggest that you send him a quick text and leave it at that, write something along the lines of
'just thought i would let you know i am not going around to argue with you anymore therefore if you want to be cruel enough and throw away my belongings then you can go ahead and do that, and if my money is so important to you over my feelings then keep it, but i always thought you loved me, and now i realise that by the way you are behaving that i couldnt have been all that important to you as you would return what you owe me and be done with it. this is goodbye'.
Leave it at that and he might take the hint and hopefully do the right thing by you. Goodluck sweetie i think you are going to need it.
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