A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why is it so difficult to leave an abusive relationship... I wuz married for 10 yrs to my high school sweetheart.. he staret to physically abuse me... when he would get drunk or b high on drugs... I put up with it cuz I thought I could b the one to help him... but b4 our 10th yr I had enough so I left him..this wuz 3 yrs ago... now today I broke up with my bf of 2 yrs . he verbally abuses me calls me all the names is the book makes me feel like am nothing but a street whore... only cuz I have cheated n my past on my ex husband .. and cuz I try to prove to my bf once that I wuz trust worthy ..and decided to txt my sons coach ...it wuz never flirty but my bf took that very badly.. and this happen a yr ago.. and since then he gave me a promise ring sayn he truly loves me but that he feels betray.. he constantly tells me I messed up our relationship.. and that I should put up with all the shit talk .. but I want bettr for me but it hurts so bad cuz am so in love with him... Why is it so hard? How can I get through this?? Pls help.. I really want to let him go.. but he keeps looking for me..
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female
reader, GardenLover  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Domestic abuse takes a lot of shapes. In this case emotional. It's the hardest compared to physical abuse, because there's usually a lot of blame and crazy-making. This takes the guilt/shame/fear we already feel and validates it; a dangerous emotional cycle that can damage your self-esteem faster than any physical violence. If you want out, it probably won't work to find a replacement man. You have to look inside yourself and nurture the part of you that was probably trained to care for others at the expense of yourself. We can call this co-dependency.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 August 2011):
Hi there. You have gone from one abusive relationship to another abusive relationship.
Why?
Don't you think you deserve better than that?
Somehow you are enabling this type of treatment of you, by staying.
As soon as someone shows signs of drinking heavily and doing it habitually, plus taking drugs on a regular basis, those are two red flags for anyone in a new relationship.
In the early stages of a relationship, it wouldn't be very long before there were signs of substance abuse. Obvious signs are mood swings, short fuse over something very little, errative behaviour.
You might like or love him (the latest boyfriend), but it's his behaviour that is the problem to you. The longer you stay with him, the worse it will probably get.
If you want him to trust you, you have to act in such a way that inspires trust in him. Stop doing things that cause doubts in him. His issues with you, seem to be about trust and not much else.
If this current boyfriend begins to trust you, well then all or most of your current problems will most likely cease to exist.
At least he isn't physically abusing you, and it doesn't seem that that will happen now.
What this current boyfriend requires from you, is trustworthiness.
For him to gain that trust in you, you have to do what you say you will do, be where you say you are going to be, and be with whom you say you will be with.
In other words, being completely honest with him at all times - no exceptions.
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