A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend, after going out a bit told me if i wanted to go to his house and i said yes after a while of hanging out he was pressuring me to have sex with him but after i told him no he got really mad and start pinning me to wall and screaming of how i dont love him then he started slapping me everytime i tried to tell him something and he grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to his room and got on top of me i was screaming and telling him no. But he didnt listen to me. He had sex with me and after he was done he didnt let me leave that night. The next day he apologized to me and said he will never do that again and i accepted his apology. I stayed with him and i thought he changed but now he started to hurt me again! What do I do? I love him and i dont want to leave him. He's the first guy that ever cared about me and i feel that if i leave him i'll never find another guy. he used to treat me good but now it changing but i do love him we been together for 3 yrs.he started hurting me like 8 months ago but i love him with all my heart and he says he does it cause he love me and i need discipline!!but i love him!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sky_flower  +, writes (11 November 2010):
well...reading your story, bring tears to my eyes because i too was caught in that web,he didnt always beat me, but he would stay for days not calling and when he finally decided to,he would take me to his house and force me to have sex with him,next morning after he went to work i would sms him telling him how hurt i was and how much i wanted to break up with him, he would say he had other options and I was free to do whatever I wanted to do,two weeks would go by and I would think I was officially free from the monster,he would call,I always felt weak when he did,he would take me to his house force me to have sex with him again,never explained why he hasnt called since, if I dared to ask he would give me a few slaps, and tell me no matter what happens I would be his forever...TODAY im proud to say that as much as I was willing to die for him,it was clear he never even cared.Im now happy without him.Move on its not worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): GO AND GO NOW!
Get out of this relationship and GO TO THE AUTHORITIES!
He has and is raping you - it doesn't matter if he is your boyfriend, it doesn't matter if he says he loves you or if you love him, forcing sex on someone after they have said no is RAPE.
He is not doing this or his violent or emotionally abusive acts because he loves you, he is doing it purely because HE ENJOYS IT AND IT MAKES HIM FEEL GOOD, and to hell with what it is doing to you. If he loved you he wouldn't treat you like that, he wouldn't leave you feeling so awful. That is NOT love.
I know it will be hard to leave him because he is like an addiction to you. By saying that I'm not saying you enjoy the evil things he does to you, because I know first hand that you don't. But the truth of it is that he has destroyed your self esteem to the point where you see ANY small, insignificant gesture on his part that is not cruel or violent as being the most amazing thing ever, and it's not. So you twist and turn yourself inside out to try and please him because those few and far between moments are like getting a drug induced high, but honestly, hun, you will NEVER manage to reach the standards that he is setting out for you because he will ALWAYS change the rules to make sure you fail because then he gets his thrill and pushes you further down.
Please, please, please, I am begging you from the bottom of my heart to call up or visit a domestic violence centre or a rape crisis centre and get the help you need to get away from this guy before he kills you, either physically or through the death of your soul. Also, please look into whether you can bring legal charges against him for his abuse and rape of you - and yes, I know you won't want to because you say love him, but this man will NOT stop by himself and NEEDS to be stopped by the authorities as he will do what he has done to you to someone else. It won't get better if you stay with him, sweetheart, it will get worse, and even if he does try and tell you he's changed and he's different and he's sorry, burn your bridges with him, get out, get help, stay out and become strong.
There IS someone out there for you who will treat you kindly and with the love and true affection that you deserve, and if you stay with this lunatic you will never find him. All that is waiting for you if you stay is endless misery and possibly death.
I can't say this enough - run, walk, crawl, or whatever you need to do, but get out and get the help you need to rid yourself of this scum, stay rid of him and become a strong survivor. Once you are rid of him, work with professionals on rebuilding your self esteem and take back your life so you never again fall prey to this kind of remorseless evil that this "thing" (he does not deserve the term man) embodies.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 This is extremely serious behaviour. "Love" should be something wonderful. This most definitely is not.
Find someone decent to love, not someone who rapes you and abuses you.
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A
female
reader, Caralots +, writes (27 June 2008):
Girl listen, I dont even know you but i care about you enough to tell you to GET OUT.
If this guy cared about you, then he wouldnt have freakin pinned you to the wall and raped you.
yeah What you described in the story was considered as rape. The only reason he apologized was because if you told anybody this story, he could be arrested. Girl you need to get out before he severly hurts you. Don't loose hope in finding a guy! You need to get out of this relationship because i know that there is a guy who wont hold you down and rape you.
He sounds dangerous. Whether you love him or not, hes going to hurt you so bad someday. It doesnt get better, This just becomes more and more severe.
PLEASE WALK AWAY FROM THIS ONE.
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A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 No, no, NO, sweetie, he does not love you nor does he care about you at all!
And it saddens me to think that you're staying with him because you love him even though guys like that are not worth the effort you put into making your relationship work.
What he did was WRONG, he forced you into sex without your consent - that's not love, that's RAPE, he should be put in JAIL for hurting you like that!
You need to read this and take everything I'm saying to heart.
LEAVE HIM.
Men like that DO NOT love women like you - sweet, caring, loving women who only want the best for their partner. He has issues and no matter how much you love him, you cannot fix him or do anything for him.
HE WILL KILL YOU, if he gets the chance. Get out while you still can!
I'm not too sure what state you live in, but you need to get help - I can give you a number for an online hotline from RAINN.
1-800-656-HOPE
PLEASE USE IT and get some help!
You do not need to be 'disciplined' you are not a dog, you are not his child and no self-respecting man would ever put their hands on you! You deserve so much better then what you're letting yourself be put through!
The fact that you've been with him for 8 months and dealt with him, makes me admirable of you, but at the same time, I'm telling you, don't be stupid; you're a strong girl, leave your boyfriend he is only going to hurt you more and do more damage!
Feel free to msg me if you need to talk but listen to what I - and everyone else- has told you!
Take Care
xo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): please please leave this man before it gets much worse.. please
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): Vow, this is bad; You are not going to like what I am telling you;
BUT
I need you to listen and listen carefully;
What I have to say to you is not to upset you, but to try and help you;
I feel for you; my heart is bleeding for you;
This guy had no right to force you to have sex!
PLEASE understand and remember this, nobody has the right to force you to hvae sex;
SEX without mutual consent is RAPE (fact);
This guy is abusing you physically and emotionally; you don't deserve this; you deserve a loving caring boyfriend; somebody that will treat you with respect;
You think you "love" this guy; but he is destroying you; he is breaking down yur self esteem; he has no respect for you'
PLEASE get away from this guy; the sooner the better;
I hope you have had protected sex; you don't want to fall pregnant or get some STD or AIDS;
Your are a wise girl; you don't have to take this abuse; tell him it is over;
If need be look up the number for ABUSED WOMEN in your country and ask them for help; or even RAPE CRISIS; because .....he is raping you!
I have empathy with you, but you are the only one that can STOP this ABUSE.
DO yourself a favour and get so far away from this guy; break all contact; please....it will just get worse!
Get some help and advise from these poeple they are qualified to deal with this type of situation; they will help you and advise you;
We are here; you can always talk to us; but please get help; you are young; don't let this selfish guy destroy your life and future.
Be strong; do what is right for YOU!
You are in my thoughts; best wishes.
Keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, missynaomi +, writes (26 June 2008):
Girl in this case is best for you to leave him. If he loved you he would not put hands on you especially when it comes down to sex. you need to get your self together and love your self first before lloving someone else.
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A
female
reader, goodiea  +, writes (26 June 2008):
firsty this man does not care about you to pressure you into having sex with him, and when you say that you didnt want to have sex with him and he made you this is rape. if he really cared about you he would never hurt a hair on your body and respect you and wait for when you are ready. you have no future with this man once you've let him get away with it the first time he will do it again and again and it could even get worse. you need to end this relationship before its too late.
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