A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been living with my boyfriend for about five years. My problem is when we are out together I always catch him checking other women out and I know guys and women will check a good looking person out but it bothers me that he does this when I'm with him and he does not really care that I see unless I say something.What does this mean I'm starting to wonder if he could be trusted because if it's done in front of my face what about when I'm not with him. Please give me some suggestings... is this just being paranoid or is this a real problem. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Don't worry, he won't cheat just because he checks out other women. All people check out other people. It's just human nature, neither male nor female. However, it sounds like he's just being a little less discreet about it. It's not disrespectful to do, but to be super visible about it is disrespectful. You're perfectly within your right to talk about it/briefly bring it up, but don't make a big thing about it. Pick your battles. You can just go, "hey you think she's cute, check out that stud over there!" And point out a hot guy. That lets him know he's busted, but doesn't make a stink and shows him a little of the sting without being super mean. Another thing that helps is to just stop looking. It's hard, because sometimes when a really hot girl walks by the automatic thing to do is stare at your guy's face to see what he does. But that just makes it worse. It really does help to just look away. Eventually it stops being a problem.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 July 2010):
This doesn't mean he's not trustworthy. As you've realized, everyone will check someone else out at some point, basically because it's natural to. What it does prove, however, is that he's somewhat tactless about it all. I think you can just speak to him and say that you're a little hurt he checks girls out in front of you, and that he could at least do it discreetly if he has to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): It most likely means he's comfortable enough around you to do what he normally does when you're not there.
I doubt it's a sign he's going to be unfaithful or anything like that, usually cheaters are more discreet and would be too paranoid to let you catch them ogling other women.
We guys (and girls) look, that's all there is to it, both my girlfriend and I check out hot men and women around the place, we're not bisexual or swingers or anything but we have fun rating people. Both of us appreciate the human form while I prefer to look at women I have no problem looking at the guys she points out and appreciating their beauty too.
He's been with you 5 years, if he's never shown any signs of sleazy or over the top behaviour towards other women, or openly flirts with them, then I would try my best to let it go, just ask him to be more discreet and hey if you see an outrageously hot guy, don;t be afraid to have a nice long look and soak it all in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): I wouldn't go as far as saying he'd cheat just because he's checking other women out. Checking someone out is completely different to physically doing something behind your back.
However, he shouldn't be doing this in front of you. Well, he shouldn't be doing it at all.
Just tell him you don't like it. If he loves you enough he WILL stop.
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