A
female
age
26-29,
*abyGirl9113
writes:Ok, so to start off, I am 20 years old and he is 25. I have an extreme problem and I don't know what to do. When we first got together, almost 3 years ago, everything STARTED out great. As months passed, he decided he was going to start a new career as a truck driver and went away for a couple of months for school to get his license and experience. During that time, my grandfather had become ill and so did my grandmother so I stopped going around his family because mine needed me and I didn't feel right being around them without him. His family didn't like the thought of me not being around so they started telling my fiance that I was cheating on him, and coming back and telling me he was cheating on me. I didn't want to believe he would ever do something like that to me, considering I was head over heels, and he is my first and only partner I've ever really had. Considering that I have somewhat of an attitude though, he called me one night yelling at me because of what his family was saying and he kept blaming me and accusing me of cheating on him, but I decided to be sarcastic at a really wrong time and said "Yep, sure am" and to this day he still believes it. He tends to hold it over my head and now says that I am no longer the same person he fell in love with. When me and him first got together, I had just graduated HIGH SCHOOL and had just turned 18 years old, now I am 20, almost 21 and have had a ton of life changing events occur, from losing family members, to watching old friends over dose on drugs, die in car wrecks and have kids, to graduating college, starting my career and trying to better myself as a person. He keeps blaming me for changing when I feel as if I have just grown up from the innocent girl I used to be.I keep being told that now I have an attitude compared to before he went to truck driving school but I don't feel as if I have just developed one out of the blue because I have always had one, growing up in my family, you had to have an attitude to survive living with them. I have tried to see changes in myself to see if I can fix them because I don't want to lose him. He has been there for me through everything and the good times out number the bad but I feel as if every time we argue I am going to completely lose him because he throws it in my face. Then this past year when he got a job offer to go over the road for another company and it didn't work, he came back home and when we were out one night his phone kept going off and I picked it up to find out that the entire time he had been gone and the few days he had been home he was talking to girls online which really messes with my head, because the times of the messages were when he was literally laying next to me.When I confronted him on it he said he was just messing around and didn't mean anything by it, then when we got into an argument and I tried to throw it in his face like he does with my mistakes.He threatened to put me out of the house because it is wrong of me to say something like that. Since then I haven't said anything about it but he keeps bringing it up when we fight about how I "cheated" on him. No matter how many time I try to explain to him that I didn't he won't believe me. He says I need to let go of the past but I can't when he wont let me. I just want to know how to fix my relationship. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to start over.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): For every young couple that lasts over time, there will be 2, 3, 4...that don't. You met this guy when you were still a teen, and it didn't take long for his family to prove they're complete dicks and start lying to you when actually they should have understood that you needed support. Your bf won't change. He won't stop holding this over you.The only way this changes is you see that you have outgrown this guy. He's 25, you're still 20 and have a lot more growing and changing you'll do. Some couples grow together, others grow apart. There isn't any shame in this. Everyone does change over time, you can't NOT change because life throws different experiences at you and each year you deal with new things that ultimately change your opinions, thoughts and sometimes personality. He's probably changed too but hes being too stubborn to realise that he is also ruining this relationship. So instead he blames you.He's been talking to other girls. That, for me, would be the end. He's a crappy bf. You could do better and to be honest I would rather be single than be with someone who doesn't respect me or our relationship. You will probably still love him even if you leave him, because he's your first love. But he isn't treating you well and you're not happy. Every relationship has disagreements but not the constant accusations of cheating and then he actually goes and talks to other girls! That's not acceptable and if I were you I would be moving out and moving on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 January 2016):
 You have grown up a bit and he resents that.
You DO know there is no fixing this, right? He is not all of a sudden going to believe you over his family. He likes having the power of calling you a cheat when he gets mad. And maybe... because he himself is cheating ( at least emotionally with women online) it is SO much easier to lash out at you and call YOU a cheater than own up to his own bad behavior. I'm guessing he seems to think it's OK for him the be " he was just messing around" but for you to be sarcastic and say" Yep, sure I cheated" is not. So you have a guy who KNOWS you won't leave, he KNOWS he can do as he want because you will stick it out and suck it up.
THAT isn't a loving relationship. My guess is you don't know where to go and what to do if you broke up with him - and that is sad because YOU allow him to treat you like crap and THAT will only escalate and it has. Now when you stand up for yourself and try and tell him off he threatens to throw you out...
You have grown in the 3 years and he hasn't and he resents that and you. He keeps you around to he has a verbal punching bag who "adores" him.
I'm sorry for your losses of your grandparents and maybe that is the biggest reason you are not putting yourself first, because you are still grieving. I do hope that some day you will wake up and see this guy for what he is. Abusive.
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