A
female
age
41-50,
*ophie1111
writes:HELP. I work with a man who is in a relationship with his exwife. He tells me that he would love to date me, but needs to see if things will work out with his ex. He calls or texts me almost every day. He is in therapy right now to help with his relationship with his ex wife. She does not want kids and he does. Should I continue talking to him? I dont want to be second best, but I do really like him. What should I do?
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex, I work with, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sophie1111 +, writes (22 August 2007):
sophie1111 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your great answers. Looks like I should be letting this one go. Its just so hard, but I feel so much better that you all said basically the same thing and as much as it sucks I need to stop talking to him! He called and asked me to go out to eat last night. I didnt go! I wanted to but I didnt. We will see what happens.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): NO, you most definitely should NOT continue to talk to him.
If he is in therapy to work things out with his ex and to see if they have a chance, then GIVE him that chance by not reading any texts he may send.
I wonder how serious he can be about wanting to work out his ex-relationship if he is texting you every day. Sounds as if he is lacking integrity in this matter.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Whoa whoa! Give him some space! He has not recovered in the least! Don't persue this, he basically said "If I could date you, you'd be my silver medal". Be a gold medal to a man with no baggage. You owe it to yourself :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Sounds like your the back up plan sorry. I think you should move on and give it up. If he was committed to his marriage and having therapy for the relationship he is not only betraying his "wife" but also you. He wants his cake and eat it to. Your there just in case he can't make it work with his "ex" she's there in case it doesn't work out with you. He is covering his bases and in my opinion he will see both of you - he needs to make a decision without your imput.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 He's in therapy to sort things out with his wife, yet he's txting you everday?
what a waste of money that therapy is.....
Although i expect its a good false impression to put over to his wife.
I would lose the bozo, hes wanting his cake and eating it.
I dont get why women give it to them, how do they think they will get treated any different if they ever sactually do leave the missus, its quite sad :o(
Good luck.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Thanks for the posts. That helps! So I forgot to add that I did say how I felt and he told me not to wait around. And that he still loved his ex and needed to see if things could work with her first because he is traditional... But he still calls and texts all the time.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Even though you like him, you should give him space so that he can work out his issues. If after he has had his space and knows exactly what he wants you will be sure that he has made the right decision. If his decision is to be with you, then you know that this is something that he hasn't rushed into and you will also be sure that he is not still hung up on his wife. You are right not to want to be second best and nor should you be. If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, then it was meant to be.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (21 August 2007):
 He also wants his cake and eat it as well by the sounds of it, he he wants children and his ex wife does not i don't think therapy is going to help them really, so it may be he is not giving you the full picture babe.
If i were you i would tell him how you feel abut him, but that you are not prepared to wait around just in case it does not work out for him and his ex and be his back up plan.
You tell him it's you or her and if he chooses her then that's it completely for you two.
Take care.xx.
...............................
|
