A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been divorced 6yrs and i'm 48yrs old. Last week I met a guy as I was window shopping in the town. He stopped me and told me I am the woman of his dreams and can we talk.(Of course I was flattered, and would like to be in a relationship after 6 long yrs of being single). We spoke for about 10 mins in the street then he said he had to go to work and could he call me in his tea break at 5pm. He called at 5pm and we had a pleasant talk - he told me things about himself and asked me questions also. He asked if we could meet for coffee the next day, but I said no, as it felt a bit too soon for me. He has called 2 or 3 times a day every day for a week now, with 2 or sometimes 4 texts every day in addition! I feel it's too much - I have told him to slow down but he seems not to be able (he is 46yrs, divorced 2yrs). It feels like he is going too fast, and I don't like it, but he does not listen to me when I tell him to slow down. He's even talked about us going on holiday together, moving to a new city/country if I want, but as long as we are together. I am now thinking of telling him not to contact me any more and blocking his number. Am I being hasty?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (25 March 2013):
I think you're over thinking things, too. Maybe you have a fast metabolism or something, but I'd suggest just taking it slow and going with the flow for the time being.
Not everything has a meaning. Sometimes people don't feel good, sometimes they're grumpy, sometimes they're inexplicably happy/sad. It doesn't always have something to do with your relationship with this guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMarkymark,
Alot of People (men and women) can and do experience love at first sight, and while I certainly don't want to be defending this man's spontaneous choice of words or behaviour, the tone of your writing here certainly makes me feel quick to respond.
I found the last section of your comments to be rather harsh, definitely blunt and offensive.
You don't know me, my experiences or what experiences led to my current situation - you advise by what you read and the information you are given - by the same token this should be a 'Big' clue for you as an 'agony aunt', to remember that you do not know me, and that you should choose your words to others more carefully.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 March 2013):
 I think you guys are just flying too fast and too intensely.
just don't overthink it...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello 'old bag',
Thanks for your response - you're right the weather was really lousy, dull, wet and cold, so I was not so keen to go for a walk in that, and I guess neither was he.
He text me this morning to say good morning and wish me a good day. So I guess its still full steam ahead - slowly.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Hi
Sounds like neither of you were over keen for the 5th date, first he can't make it till 5pm, so that cuts out an afternoon walk really. Then you text him *your* not free at 5pm now.
It doesn't shout enthusiasm so its clearly still pretty casual.
Maybe the passion the previous day was frustrating for him,especially as you rushed off to be someplace.He maybe assumed you had cleared your afternoon?
Anyway, don't chase,you have a very busy life so just leave it up to him to contact you and keep it as casual and getting to know him.Who knows you may meet somebody else.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe sent a text 4hrs later to wish me goodnight. I ignored it, not sure what to think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,Just as I thought things were calming down between us, and going in a good direction, he surprises;Today would have been our 5th date, but he text me at 2pm to say he was a bit tired an could we please meet at 5pm instead of 3pm. (We were planning a nice walk in the park). I text him back saying its fine for me. At 4:30pm I text him an told him I could not get away in time and would not now be free at 5pm, he then text back immediately saying 'its ok, as he's still in bed'. That's it! Have not heard from him since then, it is now 2hrs ago. Yesterday on our 4th date he cooked me lunch at his apartment - we did not have sex but there was some serious fooling around, very passionate. I already had plans that afternoon an was running late and had to rush and left him about 30mins later, but before i left he asked to see me today, at first I said no, but after some persuasion on his part I then changed my mind an said yes. He then text and called later that evening telling me that I am special to him, an he looks forward to seeing me today. Could what happened yesterday now have something to do with his behaviour today? Or am I over-reacting?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 March 2013):
I think that he's backed off and that's good.
Offer to pay at least your half for the next date, especially if he offered to cook at home and you suggested out.... I agree that out for the first few dates is better.
Also it could be a cheaper restaurant if that helps.
go slow... give it time... if he truly feels the way he says he'll go on your time table. do not feel pressure to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 March 2013):
Some people are just out of touch socially. So maybe he just had an "intense" personality. I don't think it has to mean anything bad. On the other end of the spectrum he could be someone who doesn't get excited about anything and looks like he's always ready for a nap.
Taking things slow is always a great idea. If he's not being genuine you should be able to see that relatively quick.
Go for it, and maybe you can "fall for" him in a hotel if he doesn't already know where you live.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 March 2013):
Hi
Yes he has slowed down which is good. I think all you can do is carry on as you are, definately don't go to his place till your ready. If he doesn't want to keep going out for meals or dancing then there are cheaper alternatives for dates.
You know your attracted to him so just hold out till
*you* feel secure that he is into dating and not just sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone, thanks for all you comments, I just wanted to update you on the latest.I decided a face to face would be a good thing to gauge better his intentions, so i agreed to meet him for a drink after work. He was charming, respectful and a gentleman the whole evening. he tried to kiss me at the end of the evening, but I turned my head away as I did not feel ready for that. I really enjoyed the evening and his company, and he promised not to be so pushy and persistent in future. He did come across as genuine to me, but I have been single for 6 years now and a bit out of touch etc. He text and call me every day for the whole week again, and We decided to meet a second time and this time went dancing a week later, again another nice evening, and he has calmed down a bit more now, not so pushy or insistent. He says he's doing his best as his character is to go for what he wants. He tried to kiss me at the end of the evening and this time I felt ready and it was very nice. We plan to meet for lunch on friday, he at first suggested he cook lunch at his place, but I told him I prefer we go to a restaurant. At the moment I am in two minds - I am enjoying his calls an texts and the 2 dates i had with him, but how do I gauge if he is all genuine? - why was he so intense when we first met? And now he seems a bit calmer, so is it just an act until he gets what he is after? I aim to take things really slow, but he is sexy, attractive, so not sure how slow I can be, if you get my meaning... Your thoughts on this would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): Your best adviser is your gut feeling. Sit alone quietly, and from deep inside you will know. From what you say, I would suggest you run away fast and don't look back. This is not normal. Best case scenario is that all that he says he feels is true, but he should not be pursuing you this way. It is showing a lack of self control, a lack of respect. You could give him a chance, but be very careful. Don't let him into parts of your life till you he has proven himself. etc.I have learnt that the quicker a man falls in love, the quicker he falls out of love. If you reject him, he will be falling head over heals for another woman within a week. OR, he is a con-man. Do you dress to impress. He may be after something and once he gets it, he will disappear. It may not be sex, it could be one of your children, could be somewhere to live, it could be your money.Read "How to Spot a Dangerous man Before you Get Involved" By Sandra Brown. Trust your gut feeling. You are loving the attention and flattery and the idea of love at first sight. But your gut feeling is telling you it's wrong.When my partner and I met, we felt love at first sight, but we tread carefully for a long time. We didn't reveal how we felt till we checked each other out. Actions speak louder than words. Don't listen to his words....look at his actions, and listen to your intuition. Let us know what happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): The guy sounds desperate and not only that, stalkerish. That is not a good combination.Always run a background check on men that you are interested in dating. Dig deep and find out a much as you can about them. You don't want any surprises.Surprises would be if he had an affair or affairs on his ex-wife. How is relationship with his kids. Kids can turn any relationship he has with a woman into a nightmare if they resent the new woman coming into his life and that includes if the kids are now adults. They can cause havoc in a relationship. What kind of ex-wife did he have. She could be a psycho.The guy does sound driven and clingy. He could be just after the sex. Maybe he sleeps around with other women and you are the next conquest.Guys will do or say anything to make them look good to you for the sex.I hate to put everything into such a bad light here, but you need to always ask these types of hard questions.At this stage in life you need to find out who you are really dealing with since there are so many weirdos out there.All that calling and texting would put me off real fast. I don't need a clingy man like that.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (18 February 2013):
 He sounds a bit creepy. How could he say you were the woman of his dreams when he'd never spoken to you before?
If you don't want to meet up with him for coffee, tell him you aren't interested and ask him to stop contacting you. If he keeps contacting you, you can block his number.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 This guy sounds very intense and clingy. You said that you have tried to slow things down and he continues to be moving too quickly for you.
Sit him down - public place like a coffee shop - and tell him that things are going to fast for you, and if he cannot handle that then you are going to have to break things off with him.
Do you answer every call he makes to you, as well as every text? How does he behave if you dont answer these calls and texts?
Can we have some more info please?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello again, Thank you for you advice and for taking the time to read and answer my question. I called him this morning and told him how I felt - he told me this made him feel sad, especially as he says I am not giving him a chance. He says he is a good, honest man and he will treat me with respect and respect me always. He said when a man knows the woman is right, he knows. He says he will try not to push in future and to give him a chance. He says he needs nothing from just the chance to show he is genuine and that he feels we would be good for each other. He says I have a good aura. He says for me to be in his life and to receive a text each day and to see me will give him energy and purpose in his life.( Is he depressed)?So, now I am feeling confused! Help!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 February 2013):
Hi
Wow yes he is a bit insistant and OTT.
You should have gone for a coffee,it's only an innocent 'get to know you' thing, a chat.When you gave him your number so quickly you showed an equal interest so I think he is hanging on to that.
I would tell him you have changed your mind and why,ask he deletes your number too.
It's a shame he has turned out to be like this, it could have been the start of a romance.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 February 2013):
In my opinion you can do whatever you want as long as it's not hurting anyone.
I don't see why coffee the next day was too soon since coffee is just a way for two people to talk, it's not a date.
But the guy is out of line by being so persistent. I'd tell him simply that you were interested but his too frequent calling was a turn off and you're no longer interested. Then block him.
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