A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:From the title of this question one could guess that I am 14, I am not, I am just baffled at guy's behavior - this guy asked me out a few times in the span of a few months, we went out twice but he didn't seem that interested so I let it go, then he seem to want to engage in mild flirtation in the office but not looking for my company alone, although he kept asking to go out (three more times). I found that strange and I said no, but I sincerely would have liked to know him better because we share a lot of interests. He never really wrote much on my wall, then the other day he finally wrote something more articulated, "liked" a picture of my face, and.... added one of my single friends, one of the prettiests! Did I misunderstand his intentions and he never wanted more than knowing all my single friends, and that is why he wanted to spend time with me? Am I too uptight to find this behavior kind of disrespectful? Of my 200+ male facebook contacts not ONE did the same without a prior agreement. Should I just cut all contact with him? If he asks me again and I refuse, do I need to give a reason? thanks
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female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous  +, writes (6 April 2012):
ANo, if he truly wanted to get to know you better he would have kept in contact and probably not added your friends, attractive or not. In my opinion it shows lack of commitment in persuing a friendship or relationship with you. His actions suggest that he could have persued you perhaps to see how far you would go and when you declined to go out with him again he gave up. Again thats a bold assumption on my part. Sometimes you never truly understand someones motives until you have been trampled on... And it sucks but it kind of comes with the territory of putting yourself out there. Try not to fret over it, while you may feel vunerable and hurt, there is no sense on wasting your time with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the last comment: yes, but the point is: is it normal that a guy who is supposed to want to get to know you better (I didn't say: no, I don't like you, I said: no, I 'd like to go out as friends), still doesn't talk, chat or call and just adds your prettiest Facebook friends to his profile? Of my other 200 male facebook contacts NONE did this, what does this say? But yes, some other people have different values and for them it's normal to do that, but I feel used, honestly
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (6 April 2012):
In all fairness he did ask you out three times and you refused. It doesnt make sense that he would ask you out three more times and not be interested. Perhaps he was nervous or shy and clammed up and you mistaked it for loss of interest. My advice for you is to be cautious of who you add to your fb. You cannot control what someone does on a social networking site. Not everyone has the same code of ethics of asking first. You said yourself you both had the same interests and you wanted to get to know him as a friend. So why should this stop you. Its petty. He could still really like you but figures you wont give him the time of day. If you dont want to go out with him again just say no like before no reasons neccessary.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): Yes delete him, it was very rude not too mention pervy and voyeuristic.
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A
female
reader, Anongrace  +, writes (5 April 2012):
If it bothers you that he added your friend(which i'm assuming he did not previously know), just make your contacts private so that only you can see them. I personally won't cut him out of my life if I were you. I will just stop being so friendly(i'm not saying be rude/mean). Just let him be one of those idle contacts, like aquaintances. You see him and say hello, but not much. If he was interested in you to begin with, i'm sure he will try to start forming a relationship with you. But him adding one of your female friends is kind of sneaky imo.
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