A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 46 years old woman. I've met this man 16 years older than me after my divorce. He is a wealthy man with his own house and car and still earning a good income. Im in a low paid job and just earn enough to support myself. I've got my own house. When he comes round he pays his share of food bills. And if my house has any problems he will fix it for me. Only fix it but not pay for those parts that needs for the job. We've been together 3 years still in separated home. I just find him a complete tightwad who loves his money more than anything and is afraid that a woman is going to come along and take it all away from him. It hurts as I am not after his money and Im not wanting to marry him to half his wealth. Should I stay or go? Please advise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): Hi there,
I am dating someone for 3 months now. He is a tight wad too, he never offers to buy me anything, but still as I am the opposite way, my heart says won't last long this relationship, now I've had words with him yesterday about this, he is a good guy though, but still people dont change, they can adapt to one or two things but still wont change. Now if I were you best bet is either say NO YOU HAVE NO MONEY ALL ALONG to see if he wakes up or 2. LEAVE HIM as plenty of fishes in the sea as they say, good luck and hope this helps :) Kyra
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-we-form-a-living-arrangement-he-says.html
It's also polite to update your first question for those who have responded.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 September 2011):
 You've been together three years. I think this is less about his money and tightwaddishness and more about where your relationship is headed. You live in separate homes, which is okay, but it sounds like you'd like to be headed towards marriage or co-habitation. Three years is a good enough time to start considering that.
As for your home and his not paying for the cost of parts,you shouldn't LET him pay for the parts. This is your home...even the most generous of men shouldn't be expected to pay for their girlfriend's home repairs.
Has he made statements about women gold diggers?? Does he declare that women are only after his money? And you're not bad off. You might not be flush and bathing in money, but you own your own home and are self-sufficient. Has he told you he will never marry or allow another woman into his life due to money?
He's not making you pay for him, is he? Is he suggesting that you two go to places that are out of your budget?? If so, and if he wants to go Dutch, you might need to remind him that you have to go within your means.
If his money is keeping him from being closer to you, and it's more important for him to protect his nest egg above all else, then he's not the guy for you. The last thing you need is built up resentment over his thinking that women are gold diggers.
You, however, must have a sense of fierce pride when it comes to what you have. You own your own home. You have a self-sustaining income of your own. Who gives a flying rat's what he has?? You can hold your head up! You're not unbalanced with him simply because he earns more. You do not need his money for repairs on your home.
Whether he was rich or poor, does he want your relationship to progress? If he holds resentment towards women, you can't crack that by your actions. He's so terrified of having to take care of a woman that he's not realizing that he's the one needing taking care of.
Yeah, if he's stuck, you should move on, or it won't get any better. Three years is enough time.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 If after 3 years of being together you haven't established a trustful relationship in regards to money, you probably never will. A man of his age generally is looking towards retirement (if he hasn't already retired) and may be on a very strict budget. He may also have children that encourage him not to spend their inheritance on you. You don't mention anything about who pays for dates and such, but it sounds like his stinginess has you bothered.
It definitely sounds like you are at different stages in your lives. While he sounds like a helpful and kind man, you'll likely never be invited into his life 100% of the way. That may suite you (you don't mention any marriage plans, so I am not sure what you hope to get out of this relationship) and only you can decide if you want to be an equal partner in a man's life or if it is just an extended friends with benefits situation.
You are still young enough to attract a man who wants to share his life with you and form a marital partnership where you share and share alike. Only you can determine what you want out of a relationship and what you are willing to settle with. But from the sounds of it and if you are honest with yourself, this man is feeding you scraps and leaving you hungry for a full course meal.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 expecting a man to take you out and pay for dates does not make you a gold digger. it is highly unattractive to be with a cheapskate. It doesn't mean you can't reach for the check every now and then but if he only pays his share then he does not know how to treat a woman. There are men out there who do know how to treat a woman. Go get one of them. He may wake up and realize he needs to get with the program. I know a lot of my advice says to move on but there are just some many women that wait for a man to change or try to change him and its just such a waste of time. Wish him luck, be friendly, and upgrade to someone who can spring for a dinner out with you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Have you two talked about living together? At all? Does he know that you are struggling when you need to buy things to fix your house?
Maybe he's had bad past experiences of women who assumed his money was their money too. I think if there are things that annoy about your parther you need to address them. He may not know how you feel either.
As I see it, you two are still "just" dating, that doesn't mean he should be paying for whatever you need.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 wealthy people don't get wealthy by being very generous. do you KNOW that he thinks women are after his money? maybe if you were the rich one and he was on a low income you would pay for stuff that he needed, your attitude to money is obviously different than his, but like i say, rich people are good at getting money and keeping hold of it. you need to tell him that his behaviour is actually causing you to question your relationship with him, discuss it, get his opinion
x
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A
male
reader, xsemenelinx  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 try to picture this.... and best advice that i can say... you both are in the period of later part of life.. this is the period of Integrity/wisdom according to erik ericson.. why wont you do this... since he is rich and you have the ideals of true love.. use the two equation in helping others.. in that way you will enjoy most of your life and put a smile to other's who are suffering..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (24 September 2011):
 You should go when you can find someone who suits you better. But for now he is still your friend and can fix things for you and keep you company.
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