| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I met a man recently who is 14 years older than me.He is married,but has been separated from his wife for two years.He also has two children.He told me that he is still married because he's worried about upsetting his children if he gets divorced,and also because of the financial problems.He said their marriage just fizzled out.His children are 8 and 10 years old.I really like him,but i'm worried about him still being legally married,even if he isn't actually living with or seeing her anymore.The age gap between us isn't a problem at all though.I've only seen him once, but i'd like to see him again.He seems to be really keen on me too.What do you think I should do ?.Has anyone else here been in that situation, i bet some people will have ?.
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female
reader, beenthere  +, writes (1 March 2009):
First he is showing no responsibilty by not going through with a divorce and seeing someone else. Dont get your hopes up. If he gets divorced then it may work,but as I see it hes just fishing. Sorry to be so honest but "beenthere" If he really cares he will make the time and effort to make it work.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): Thanks for your replies.Do you think i should stay in contact with him and just see how it goes ?.Perhaps if i see him,but nothing serious,such as sleeping with him, happens,it will be ok ?.I know even kissing would be considered cheating aswell though.I hope he will get a divorce eventually.
I could understand how his kids could feel strange seeing their dad with another woman too.My parents got divorced when i was in my teens,and i hated the new guy my mum was with after that,although he was a horrible person anyway.Even now that i am in my twenties,i would feel strange seeing either of my parents with new people,and it would be more difficult for children to see that.I don't think he should introduce me to his children for a long time,and i think he should only do that when/if he gets divorced,and if we are in a serious relationship.
I do have a kind and caring nature,and i feel that i would be a good disciplinarian,so i hope that his children would like and respect me.
I wouldn't want to get my hopes up, but perhaps if,eventually,he feels he wants a serious relationship with me,then he might get divorced,well he should do if that's the case !.I think for now i should take it one step at a time, and if it doesn't get anywhere,then I will forget the whole thing.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 February 2009):
I have not been in that situation but the fact he was still married would be a BIG problem for me.
You are old enough now that age gaps start not to matter. It's not like you are 16 and he's 30.
I can understand that he doesn't want to finalise the ending of the marriage if it would hurt his children, and they will always be his first priority.
But if I were in your shoes I couldn't be with a married man and always know I would come second to his kids. They are most likely going to HATE you when they meet you as you will be the horrible woman who's stealing their Dad away from their Mum.
I think it's hard but I would have to say to him that I was sorry but it's just not the right circumstance for a relationship for me.
You may have more patience and trust for him, so it's your choice but that is my opinion anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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