A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i need some advice. I am seeing an older man and i spend 1 night a week with him, i also work with him and no one knows. I really dont know where i stand with him and i feel that i will look a bit mental if i start asking questions- he tells me he misses me, and he is affectionate outside of the bedroom, but i dont know whether or not he just wants a sex thing or its a relationship. He has told me that he is not sleeping with anybody else- but i am not so sure if he is telling the truth- i found a nighty in his bathroom but he says he doesnt know where it came from and that his friend may have used his house on a night in the week, and he seems really calm with his answer, he hasnt got all defensive about it. I am really confused, and im thinking if its just a sex thing he would be honest about if he sleeping with other people. The only hard proof i have is that i have been counting his condons- again i cant ask him where they are going because he is going to think im mental if he found out. I am ok with it being a sex thing, i would just like to know either way.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (22 February 2009):
 The first thing that caught my attention was something you said in the second sentence of your post. You only see him once a week? Once a week is not a relationship. It's an affair. Why would anyone who intends to see you exclusively only want to see you once a week? Is it because it's the only free night he has, when he's not seeing someone else? Perhaps it's his so-called "poker" night and it's the only chance he has away from his wife? There are many questions you should be asking, or at the very least you may already understand why you are only his once-a-week sex partner and we just need more information before we assume more.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 February 2009):
Well if you are ok either way then just ask him.
Do it AFTER sex, not before, and just ask him if this is just a sex thing.
Just be straight and cool with him. Tell him that you really want a relationship and that if he doesn't that it's fine and you'll carry on sleeping with him but that you may bugger off and leave him when something better comes along. Tell him you just want to know where you stand.
As long as he knows the sex will continue either way, he'll have no reason not to be honest.
Good Luck!! xx
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