A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband of two years and I are seperated and currently living in two different countries (he is military) He thought he was having a midlife crisis and no longer wanted to be married, so I finally left and came back to the States after enduring months of abusive and cruel behavior from him.About two weeks after I left, he started telling me that he wants me back. I have been trying to let him down gently, but he doesn't seem to get it.There is a big dilemma now though, he just told me he is pushing me to see if I will reconcile with him because he might have cancer.I really feel I don't want to be with him any more and while I understand he is scared about this potential diagnosis, I don't think that that should be the reason if any that we got back together. Is there any way to handle this without looking callous?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): If your husband was abusive etc towards you then there's no point of returning to him-ONE DAY HE MIGHT EVEN KILL YOU. Also even if you stay with him (as a friend) out of pity, out of duty etc you are easily manipulated. So better stay distant, be nice, but make sure you are safe. O
One lady, a hard working marine officer was killed by her (ex) husband in the end of 1980's. Both of them worked for the marine. They were also married for 2 years, then the woman decided to leave because her husband was abusive towards her. Finally she gave in a little bit-went to the man's new house to help him to do some painting. It was the last place she was alive. I believe on the last day of her life, she took divorce papers to her husband. The man did not want to be divorced and so he killed her.
All the best and stay safe.
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (9 December 2008):
 You aren't being callous hon. He didn't want to be married anymore. It was his choice. It will be a sad time in both of your lives. if he does indeed have cancer. However if you go back just because of this you will be short changing your life, putting your needs aside for him. I can see that you are being torn here and that isn't fair to expect you to come back even if he has cancer.
If you still love him and want to be with him, no doubts I would say reconcile. However if you are ready for this marriage to be done then you must consider all that you have to gain or loose in the situation. The vows we take in marriage are sometimes thrown aside and only remembered when to one's own personal gain.
If you have been abused or treatly otherwise cruely, you must think of your own safety first. You must also consider that he could have realized that he has made a mistake and wants you back just to fulfill his own needs. Chances are he might even be lying to you and has not been told he has or might have cancer. It might be his way of manipulating or controling you.
If he is serious about reconcilliation and saving the marriage then he should meet your terms and not his. He is the one who caused the split and is grasping at straws to keep you on the string, keeping you tied to him. Treat him as a friend, let him know how you really feel. You can do this without being the crude individual you have projected that he is. Don't make any rushed decisions and make it plain that you won't return to the marriage until you feel it is right, should you want to do so.
If it turns out that he has cancer, continue to be his friend.It's now that he really needs a constant friend. Encourage him to get the best medical treatment available and ncourage him to seek out his friends for companionship. Let each day bring you the knowledge you need to overcome your problems. Pray for him and Let God work in his life. Pray without cease that you can be made to see the light thru the darkness. That you can feel from the heart and give friendship to the man you have loved. For once in a lifetime perhaps he has loved you too. If you can't be together then maybe he can love you enough to let you go and remove the sadness and guilt from heart.
I once met someone who told me he had cancer and I lived with him many years.This had touched my heart and I thought that allowing him to come into my life was meant to be. Perhaps in some strange way it really was. But the fact that he had cancer really touched me. I eventually found out that he had lied about the cancer as well as many other things and not long afterward (just over 4 years of being with me) I found out that I really did. I survived and I forgave him, over and over. Then after 8 years of being manipulated I finally gave up. Life has a strange way of showing you things, if we will only listen and Learn.
I pray that your life and the life of your husband will be what God wants for you both.
God Bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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