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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm afraid that my boyfriend will get upset with me. You see, I'm Head of the Student's Council of our faculty, and this week we've been celebrating the faculty's anniversary. I had to organize a party for this Friday night, at some local club. I don't like clubs or parties, but I have to go, as I have to be there in case anything happens, and well, because it'd be weird if I wasn't.Now, my boyfriend doesn't want to go with me, even though he knows I hate parties. He said he migh hang out with his friends. I don't mind... but maybe he will. You see, he doesn't trust me because when I was single and went out with my girlfriends, we drank and I ended up making out with some guys I'd barely just met. Of course I wouldn't do this sort of thing again, I'd never cheat on him, plus I was younger. But then again, a couple of ex girlfriends of his have cheated on him in similar contexts. It usually works great for him as I seldom go out anymore, and when I do, it's usually at a friend's house, all girls, like he will do with his friends on Friday. But now I will be in this place where people drink, and dance, and everyone's horny, etc. I know he doesn't trust me, partly because of my past and partly because of his baggage. He's accused me of wanting to cheat on him for tamer things before (like texting a guy classmate), so this has me really concerned. I just don't know how to ease up his anxiety. Then again, he told me I should go and have fun with my friends, but how do I know he won't get angry afterwards? I asked him and he said "depends on who you hang out with there". But how will he know if I stay with my friends or with some guys? He won't see me, so maybe he'll think of the worst!What can I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): fr a relasionship you have to have trust and it sounds like non of u 2 trust each other. you need to sit him dwn properly and tell him truthfully how u feel, u shouldt b worrid or scared 2 talk 2 another guy or go to a party. until he overcums these issues this is how ur relasionship is going to may b compliement him and make him feel better about himself as i know from experience when u have been repeatedly cheated on u start to question urself, jus make him feel gud about himself and encourage him to get a hobby or do somthing that he enjoys that will boost his confidance. this is'nt summit that will b fixed asap, but if u loe him spend the time to go through this with him, gud luck
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (17 June 2009):
 This has clearly hurt him in the past with these ex girlfriends cheating on him. I mean he's clearly gradually trusting you as he's not going to the party with you i know he keeps saying about who you hang out with and stuff but he'll just have to take your word for it and i think he knows that and in some ways that's how he is growing to trust you by letting you go and trusting you to do the right thing and not cheat. I mean you said he isn't going to see you so how will he know who you've been with? you're right he won't know but he'll trust you to be honest with him and tell him the truth about the night and whom you were hanging out with.
do you see what i'm getting at? he's in his own way starting to trust you.
Hope this helps hun. x x x x x
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Don't do anything. This is his issue, his insecurity, and he has to address it himself. I realize that he feels insecure because of his past but that isn't your problem and you shouldn't take it on. Hang out with your friends and don't do anything you'd be ashamed of, and that's the best you can do. There's no way to force trust.
Have fun, and good luck.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Well, i'm kinda like this with my girlfriend and just like him I am trying to be less worried about it. The bottom line is it is going to take time and effort not only on your part but his as well. You just keep faithful and maybe humor him by calling from time to time to let him know that all is ok and that you love him. In turn he needs to try to trust you more and more. It sounds like things are going the right way with you two.
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