A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years. The first time I met him I was attracted to him, though he paid me no mind, and we ended up hating each other. On a whim, I talked to him about a year later, and I, seemingly automatically, became enamored with him. At that point, I only thought of him and never considered being with anyone else. I felt like this for over a 1.5 years, and finally, we entered a relationship.I know this sounds ridiculous, but in the weeks leading up to our relationship, when he touched me it felt like electricity. I guess some part of me thought that when I found THE one, when we kissed (which I hate doing, btw), it would be like electricity coursing through my body. I have never experienced this with him, and finally mustered the courage to ask him if he felt that, and he told me "it's like pure kinetic energy."I feel awful, because lately I have been thinking about other men. Maybe it's because I've been flirted with lately, and it feels great to be noticed. My boyfriend treats me like a queen, and I know I am lucky to have him. He really is an amazing person, and I truly believe he is my soulmate.Is it possible to love your soulmate, but not be "in love" with that person? I am a very sexual person, and the sex is great, but not fantastic, and I find it to be a very important part of a relationship. He always tries to please me, and makes sure to be patient, but he has never been able to make me orgasm. To make matters worse, when we kiss I do not feel anything.I guess this is why I have been thinking about other men. He really is my first and only, so my curiosity and sexual frustration have been growing as I become more aware of what I want in life. One guy is a co-worker who has blatantly flirted with me and told me he thinks I'm beautiful, so I've had straying thoughts about him, and another is one of my professors, though I cannot really tell if he is constantly commenting on my body to help me (it is a fitness class) or if he is well, you get the idea. And I find myself thinking of sex with them, and if I would finally have an orgasm. :/What should I do? Should I be open and honest with my boyfriend and say that I've had thoughts about other men, though I feel that he is my soulmate? I do love him, and care about him, but he tells me he'd give up everything he loved to make me happy, but I, being the logical person I am, tell him I would never ask him to do that and I would expect him to respect me in the same way, because I do not believe one can be truly happy doing something they do not enjoy. I can't imagine not having him in my life, but I also have confidence issues, and I wonder if my dislike of kissing (well, germs, really) may contribute to not enjoying kissing and feeling that "kinetic energy".Does anyone have any advice? He tells me he feels unappreciated at times, but I want to accomplish many things in my life, and am not willing to put my life on hold for anything, really, but respect him enough to not ask him to give up or put his life on hold for me.:( I appreciate any help you guys can give. I know we are both still young (he is 21 and I am 20), but I am just at a loss as to what I should do.
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co-worker, confidence, flirt, kissing, orgasm, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Debs85  +, writes (3 March 2007):
Im also 21 and have been with my bf for 3 and a bit years and i know exactly what your going through. sometimes i felt that i was bored wthin my relationship but i was still totally in love with my bf and didnt want to break up with him because i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. the thing i found most effective for restoring my faith in our relationship was to spice things up and break away from what you normally would do. we are both students so money is tight but having him cook a romantic meal and chatting over a bottle of wine was something we never got to do that often so we would do that or we would go out clubbing seperately with our friends and meet at the end of the night and he would chat me up like when we first met. i dont think relationships come easy and in order to make them last you need to work at it and be imaginative. take time to talk about what you both want from the relationship and sexually this will help you etablish what you both want. as far as orgasms go i know many of my friends have never experienced orgasms as some women find it hard to be stimulated through sex and therefore try to have orgasms with foreplay. you both need to have fun exploring what makes each of you tick.
Hope it helps you can message me if you want to talk good luck xxx
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