A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice I met this guy years ago down the pub via mutual friends he admitted he liked me never felt that same way. He then stopped speaking to me due to new gd etc and now has 3 kids with her who is now an exSeptember those yr he sees me in my road he's a bin man in my road he added me to fb and have been talking since yes I do like him a little but he's a little too much for me,He's told me he wants to have children with me,move into a house next yr with me with sending me houses via Internet and has invited me to meet his whole family which was awkard,with his mum saying how am in a relationship with him when in fact I'm not, and that my LG is her sort of new grand daughter and happy to babysit for me. I don't even really know this lady.It just seems to much and I've even told him to slow down but doesn't seem to get through to him. He's message me every day and seeing what I'm doing and how he misses me when he doesn't see me.. and if I go out with friends he's asking who I'm going with and where etc We have not kissed had sex held hands nothing I just feel really pressured with him moving fast when like I've mentioned told him to slow down a bit so I can get my head round things Is there any advice of what else I can say to him. My friends think he's a bit strange keeping on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 Please drop all contact with him. Protect yourself and your daughter. This man is not all that meets the eye. Nobody talks about long term goals and tells their family you are their girlfriend when you both are not even dating. Honestly I would block all methods off contact before this gets out off control. He sounds like a very pushy man who in time may become obsessive and abusive. The warning signs are there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2016): This is how abusive men work. They move SO fast, that they don't give you time to think, don't give you the time to notice any red flags about their behaviour. They work on the idea that a woman will be blown away by this attention and agree to anything. It is called 'love bombing'. Please show him that you are smarter than the stupid, easily led woman he's imagining you to be. I'm not saying you are at all. I'm saying that he's hoping to play you for a fool.Whatever his end intention is, it's not good and it's not right, because he is not behaving in a normal fashion. This man that you've met does not love you or have YOUR best interests at heart. He only has his best intentions and only cares about himself. How do I know? I've been there and I've seen it happen many times. Get out of this situation and try to see it and him for what it is. A potentially damaging and dangerous situation. He is also showing himself to be controlling and possessive and you're not even going out with him! He is a nightmare waiting to happen. Read up on abusive men and you will see his behaviour there in black and white.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 Talk about DESPERATE! This guy wants an instant relationship with you, my guess is because he KNOWS that if you two take it slow you will NOT want a long term relationship with him. He thinks by pushing it as fast as he can with ALL the bells and whistles you will be so "dizzy" you will ACTUALLY jump in with both feet. And you will be pregnant before you realize that THIS is not a guy for you.
There IS a reason you have these niggling feelings that it's just TOO much and TOO soon. You aren't as keen on him as he is on you.
ALSO, he ALREADY has 3 kids. THAT is a lot of children t obe taking on. And YOU have one if I understand your post correctly. THAT is 4 kids between you. WHERE do you think the majority of his income will go? Towards the 3 kids and the baby momma, right? *yep* and now he wants to impregnate you as well.... Does that make sense to you? Is he that wealthy that he can take CARE financially of all these kids?
I'd listen to that gut and to your friends and slowly back away and disengage. JUST because he had a crush on you in the past doesn't mean you now owe him to date him as he is now single again.
My guess is he pulled the shame "act" with the now ex, and she got so caught up and spun around that she didn't realize WTF she had gotten into until 3 kids later... Don't put yourself AND your baby girl on to that position.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (30 December 2016):
Get as far away from him as you can. ZERO contact. He is trying very hard to butter you up. He desperate to have a woman in his life, by any means.
If your intuition is not a loving one towards him, then stay away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2016): He's giving you a mega come on!He believes fast bowling will get him what he wants.He wants to bed you first and foremost.He is jumping all the barriers because he wants any little piece of you and you want to slow this racehorse down because he has his eye on the prize,the bets are on and the race is off!He's already told the judges he's won and he is hellbent on getting first past the post.In this case you have to be brutal!You have to develop a long term previous childhood sweetheart who has come back to claim you heart and soul.You need an announcement on facebook and a sparkler on a lefthand 4th finger.Just a photo of the sparkler will do but a willing accomplice is also good.Then when he realises he is gazzumped he may turn his attention back to the baby mother.Being such a stallion he is probably still willing and able to give her another little one once he knocks all other competition out of the scene.But dont let him know that or he will have every arguement in the book to prove you wrong.Just get engaged to childhood sweetheart, announce it on facebook and unfriend him.He will get over it.His mum will remember her maternal obligations elsewhere and you will have a ring on under a glove while you put some distance between his fait accompli and yourself!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (30 December 2016):
 You tell him straight.
'Look x, we are not in a relationship so I don't appreciate you telling people that we are. I also find it very uncomfortable that you're planning a future for us when we're not even dating. I would like it if you would back off and give me some space'
Something along those lines should make him realise what he's doing.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 December 2016):
 A BIT strange? Darling, let me tell you, he is VERY strange.
I only have one bit of advice for you: get off his roller-coaster NOW, before things get out of hand. This guy is a fantasist. Sounds like his mother may be too - although perhaps she doesn't realize what is going on and may believe what he is telling her.
Seriously, you need to call a stop to this sooner rather than later. (And don't ever leave your daughter alone with him, as you don't really know this man.)
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