A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello and thank you so much for taking the time to read this because I really need some advice - me and my ex boyfriend (also my best friend) dated for 2 years and for the first time, I fell madly in love.. However our relationship was not perfect nor was he and ended due to pressures and influences mainly from his family. He returned back to his home country for just over a year which broke my heart but I also glad it gave me a chance to get over him. I dated other people, built up a good network of friends over the year and come to realize that I deserve better than what he could offer. Now Hes back,married!!! but has been in contact with me serveral times, mainly we talk but I sadden to admit that we kiss once. I feel so stupid for writting this but I can feel myself getting weaker with him. Now that he is back it's near impossible to break contact as we worked together so we share the same friends or he just comes looking for me if I don't answer the phone either at work or my home. What I don't understand is why he insists on talking/seeing me, why he doesn't get on with his life. We don't have sex so it's not that but what does he want from me?
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 the reason he is persisting in contacting you is that you werent good enough to be his wife (or mother of legitimate children) but you are good enough to be his bit on the side, and if any kids arrive as a result, well, stiff bikkies for you, you will be the one who has considerably lessened their chances of a loving fullfilled relationship with somebody who cares!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): I was friends with quite a few guys from Pakistan. They all were arranged to be married and we quite happy to go ahead with it, but within the first year each and everyone of them was cheeting on their wives.For a culture that preeches family values they showed that they respected no one. Simply this guy wants a fuck buddy as well as his wife.Do you want to be the other women? There is no chance of you being more with him. My advice is to get rid of him right now and threatern to tell his wife.Remember this: You should only be with someone who wants to be with you and only you ok
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 December 2009):
He's playing because he knows this is how you'll react. Now you really need to ask yourself a question. Do you want to be the plaything of a married man who just doesn't care and is using you, or would you be better never meeting, talking to him or being with him again? He won't change, he won't divorce his wife or anything like that. He'll just use you and use her. Let him go, tell him you never want to speak to or see him again. Then, when you're ready, you'll find a wonderful guy who will love you. Please don't be used.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (5 December 2009):
 Sweetheart I think he is playing you and that just isn't fair.
Don't be his second best, if he married this woman then he needs to concentrate on his marriage and not think he can pick you up and drop you at the merest drop of his finger.
How dare he think he is something special in your life, to totally ignore the fact that you did not respond to his phone calls so he harrasses you until he gets what he wants, which is affection and most importantly your ATTENTION.
You survived without him for a year, and he cannot just expect to pick up where you left off when he went away.
He made a commitment to another woman, whether that was HIS choice or that of his family's. He needs to stand up and be a man and not play you for what he wants.
Whether you have mutual friend's or not, is not an excuse for him to worm his way back into your heart again.
You have been through this before and you had started to rebuild your life.
He now wants what he can't have, so don't make yourself available to him. Tell him he needs to move on with his life, like you have already and you will not be USED by anyone, especially him. He made his choice when he left and when he married this other woman.
You said already that things were not great between you and that is why you broke up in the first place.
You need to put YOURSELF first and concentrate on what you want out of life. That is a man who loves you and wants to be with you and not USE you as the bit on the side. Sorry to put it like that but there are a lot of people both men and women who are not content with what they have, so they have something else or someone else to make them feel good about themselves but it ultimately hurts the person they are with (they are an innocent bystanding in all of this), plus the other person they want as well. That is like having your cake and eating it.
I think personally it would only be a matter of time before he was asking for more than just kisses.
You are not a doormat and you don't deserve to be treated like that. He knows how to get you back on side already, but it stops now with the kisses and you NEED to be strong for YOU.
Don't be anyone's second choice.
You have had your heart broken once already by this man, don't allow yourself to be put in that situation again. It is a recipe for disaster and you are the one who will be hurt the most. He knows you were madly in love with him but you need to try and detach yourself from being so close to him. You did it before but now you need to find new ways to do it now he is so close again.
You can do it so tell him that you refuse to be used and he needs to be with his wife and not you.
Let your friend's and family know what he is doing with you, they are the ones who were there for you when he broke your heart for the first time and I know that they would be extremely supportive of you and that will mean you regain your inner strength to let him know that you are not the same person you were when you were in a relationship with him before, you ARE stronger now and you are not going to let this man break down your defenses.
He wants you as well as his wife and you deserve someone so much better than him. Someone who wants to be with ONLY you and not have the best of both worlds.
Decide what you want in life, is that a man who loves you and a family and nice home one day? If so, you will NEVER get it with this guy he has already proven that.
We get one chance at life and whilst your attention is on this man - Mr Right could be walking on by. Don't let yourself be USED by this guy.
You are going to have to tell him how you feel and also you need to get that inner fire in your belly which will make you strong. You had got over him and now he is playing with you as he thinks he can control you and break you down again as that has already been proven. It is not too late to reverse this situation though so look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, I DON"T NEED THIS MAN, I am worth so much more than what he can give me.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): he is only stroking his own eager and has not yet developed as a man. If it weren't you it would be someother poor unsuspecting soul. Leave, be adamant and don;t look back. Your only attracted to the attention, but in the back of his mind, he wants nothing.
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