A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have a weird problem. I am with my current bf for 3 years who is kind of narcissist. Our sex life is great, i am kind of emotionally dependent on him, but the main problem is, he doesn't like the fact that i am smarter than him. This problem started when we both took IQ test and he scored avg of 120 and i scored 145. From that day he started belittling me, making me do menial work for him, always trying to put my down, humiliating me in front of his friends, holding back emotional support. I know i have to leave him, but i couldn't, i love him too much to even consider leaving him. What should i do to make him believe i should give a damn about his IQ level.Please help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): Return the favor - every time he insults you, do it back to him. But never start it first, only as a response to him. He needs to see how much of a jerk he is being, and how much it hurts to hear insults and humiliating words thrown at him.
however, the relationship may never get better because he is a narcissist. The above advice is not intended to make your relationship better - because I dont' think it can get better with someone like this - but rather is to help you reclaim your dignity and self-worth since you are so adamant about not leaving him this is the least you could do for yourself.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 July 2013):
 You might just as well dump him, now.... as this scenario that you describe is NOT going to get better.... EVER!!!
I know from experience. When I was married, my ex- belittled me as not being "very smart".... HER initiative, not mine. I got ticked off about her harping... so took the testing to score a MENSA membership... It justified my telling her to keep quiet about who was (or, wasn't!) smart... BUT the belittling continued... and was a contributing factor to why we couldn't stay together, so had to get a divorce....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (15 July 2013):
 IQ – Intelligent Quota extracts used; measures a person's general intellectual ability to understand ideas, also measures how well we process information, it measures how well we process information, particularly our ability to store and retrieve it.
It’s important to remember that they don't purport to tell the whole story of a person's abilities. An IQ test doesn't measure include creativity, emotional sensitivity, social competence, various acquired skills, end quote.
Now take an EQ – Emotional Quota test; I find this area interesting as it refers to the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. I believe this is an area that can be learned and strengthened. These questions reveal our self-awareness, social-awareness, emotional management, adaptability and self-motivation.
For me this is the person we’ll be dealing with emotionally in our relationship; can they pick up the clues when one has e.g. a bruised (narcissistic) ego and is acting out, or when one is stressed, tied etc. do they have that sensitivity of awareness to know how and when to give emotional support?
Yet what I hear happening with your boyfriend, he’s showing his EQ level – his emotional sensitivity (the narcissist trait requires excessive praise and admiration don’t forget), hence he puts you down, humiliates you in front of his friends, holds back emotional support; which has nothing to do with IQ smarts and discovering you’re higher than he.
Funny thing is, both of you can intellectualise and overcome this problem as you’re near on par with each other in IQ status… Yet emotionally you two become undone for various reasons over 25 points!?
Take Care - CAA
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (14 July 2013):
I think you should dump him as well as others have said. Someone like this does not love you for who you are whatever their mental condition is.
There are many guys out there who can even love you more and be more emotionally supportive. But if you can't start a new relationship then you can try to work on this issue although I feel like this pattern will only repeat in the near future. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (14 July 2013):
I think you should dump him as well as others have said. Someone like this does not love you for who you are whatever their mental condition is.
There are many guys out there who can even love you more and be more emotionally supportive. But if you can't start a new relationship then you can try to work on this issue although I feel like this pattern will only repeat in the near future. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 July 2013):
 Obviously, there are people who score well on standardized IQ tests and those who have a high social IQ, which in this case was not tested.
You're with a narcissist who belittles you, makes you do menial work (why do you comply, anyway?), puts you down, humiliates you and withholds emotional support.
This would suggest that you have low self-esteem. IQ has nothing to do with that, or with logic.
Take that high IQ and work out how to change a person.
Exactly, you can't. No one can force another person to change.
He is how he is. A mean-spirited nasty narcissist.
So you either accept him as he is and live with that or you make alternate plans.
I can see the second option with be healthier for you in the long run. I wonder if you'll be able to see that one day. I hope you do.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2013): This is a very very stupid answer.
But I think, what you want to hear, because as you say
You can't leave him. For you LOVE HIM and you are emotionally dependent on him.
TOO BAD, Though.
Why not pretend you don't know anything, act like stupid.
Or ask him things you already know as if you don't know.
Never correct him if his wrong. Let him find out himself his wrong. Because if you will correct him he will just find it offending. and you guys will argue.
But to be honest, if I were you I rather leave him.
because I also think that his unfair and Unreasonable.
Its a very shallow reason to argue about, he needs to mature.
Tell him I said he needs to GROW UP.
Just Kidding!
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (14 July 2013):
 Some men have a problem with a woman being superior in any aspect of their lives. They are jealous of intelligence, money-making, happiness with their families, etc. If this is truly the source of your problem (and you aren't lording your intelligence over him or constantly reminding him that he isn't as intelligent), then I think this speaks ill of your future happiness with your boyfriend.
While you may have a great sex life, I think the way he treats you in your day-to-day interactions is FAR more important. Whether you have good sex (or not) is usually only a small component of the overall status of the relationship. There has to be honesty and above all mutual respect -- which I think might lacking.
You can talk to him about this if you want, and it may help him realize that the way he is treating you is wrong (if he hasn't already realized it) -- but knowing what I know about most guys, is that if he treats you this way just because you have a higher IQ he will resent being told he is wrong (after all you are smarter than him). I don't think the problem is with you and your higher IQ. The problem is he is now trying to prove that despite having a lower IQ that he is smarter than you and does it by being mean and cruel. This is hardly the basis of a healthy relationship. Regardless of intelligence, both parties should be helping out with the menial tasks)
I think now might be a good time to take a good hard look at the type of man you are involved with. You've invested 3 years of arguably your best years with what you describe as a narcissist and someone who is jealous of the gifts you were given. The question you need to ask yourself is: do you want to spend the next three years with a person like this and what happens in the future should you wind up more successful than he is? Is this truly the loving man you imagined yourself being with?
Take some time and really think about it. Your future could hinge upon the decision you make today.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2013):
 """What should i do to make him believe i should give a damn about his IQ level."""
Dump him.
IF he treats you this way because you are smarter, how do you think he will treat you once you tell him that IQ doesn't matter?
The way he treats you is NOT consistent with a man who loves his woman, but a guy who is petty and cruel.
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