A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: 22 years after my divorce, I still feel as though I let my children down and don't seem able to throw off that feeling which haunts me every day.The divorce was not totally my fault although I do bear some of the responsibility.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 I think maybe sometimes people who are looking back regretting their choices are actively avoiding a current, real life problem or situation.
Don't block the pain you feel but just experience it, and then, live in the present. There are all sorts of websites and books that describe how you can do that, I have a few on my profile.
Make today the best day you can for yourself and your children. Then tomorrow, make that day the best. Just build one good day after another.
We all have regrets. If something is haunting you every single day, you've got something you are actively avoiding right now. I have no idea what that is for you, but you probably do.
Talk to your kids TODAY and tell them you love them and care about them. Then talk to them tomorrow, and the day after and the day after that.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 Honeypie has it exactly right. The only thing you can change is today. Even though your kids are older, you're still their father. Be the best father you can be, *today*. There is nothing less productive than worrying over things we did in the past -- you can take that from someone who has pissed away years doing just that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2013):
 Have you talked to your kids about it? They may NOT feel the same way at all.
Accept that the marriage ended and that pointing finger is NOT going to make you any happier. Marriage is like a souffle. It takes HARD work and even if you do everything right it can still end up one big mess. The thing is all you CAN do now (22 yours later) is look back recognize what YOU can do better, what you have learned from that marriage and the break up, use THAT in future relationships and then let the past go.
My mom always said, people who are so busy looking back over their shoulder will constantly walk into things they don't want to or don't mean to. And they will miss out on all the good thing in the NOW and the FUTURE. IF it's something you can't FIX, let it go. There is no do-over.
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