A
female
age
51-59,
*davies
writes:What should one do when their husband just won't listen? I have recently remarried, and the first year was a mess, Domestic violence issues. Now we live apart but still want to remain married. Back to my question. I have a problem with how every time I communicate my feelings he says no I don't feel that way or no he did not do anything to make me feel that way. He is making it impossible to fix anything. He is only making it worse. What do I do????
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 I am sorry to hear that you are having marriage issues. You did not elaborate on the domestic violence, but I am assuming that you asked him to move out because he abused you. Statistically, women experience far more domestic/relationship abuse than men do.
Britt429 is a stellar example on how to deal with domestic abuse. And her advice to to leave the abuser is spot on! Statistics show that abusers do not change. But statistics aside, a person will only change when the s/he is self motivated for the change. No one else can do that for them.
I too believe that Divorce is better for both parties. The healing process for the abused may take longer than the abuse period itself. The same for the abuser. The process to change may take a long time, and even then, both must remain "vigilant" to make sure that any negative emotions are in check. Until such time when controlling/self-management of any abusive tendencies have become second nature to one's self.
If you googled on abuse and self-help or support group, I'm sure you will find lots of educational materials on the net that can enlighten you on this issue.
If you have specifics that you'd like to know more of, let us know and we'll try to find more info on the net for you.
Good luck!
Cat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Move on!! You have no idea how lucky you are to be away from him. Domestic abusers, don't change. They are controlling and will always turn things around and make it all your fault. That's how they do their little mind contol thing. Eventually he will have you to the point that all confidence is gone, your self-esteem will be nil! And the violence will get worse!
Do yourself the biggest favor in your life and get away from him completely!
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