A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please direct me, i just found out my ex-husband is living a double life. He's living as a gay man in Las Vegas,but acting straight when he comes home to visit. We have a really good relationship,our families are very close,in fact I know his family has no idea he has a boyfriend.We were marriedd 14 years,been together 25,since teenage years. Im angry disgusted and hurt my child,a 14 year old girl is sooo upset and disgusted. She wants no further dealings with him. He's been a good father but I also can't let her see him now that I know about this . please advice thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice you all made me feel better and I'm taking your advice,but to clear up a few things I did'nt tell my daughter she saw some pictures of him and a guy while she was spending the summer with her. I have never kept them apart and have done everything I coulod to keep the relationship close . My problem is having been together so long we still spend alot of time together as a family and this is going to affect that. Also I do have some resolved issued with him as we've good friends still and I think while he does not have to tell me all his business he should have told me hes slepping with men before getting in my bed...as we ocassionally have sex still. My daughter has said she no longer wants to see him. I can deal with his sexuality but Im mad he was'nt more responsible in keeping his secret,maybe putting my health at risk. My feeling about homosexuality is that its wrong and nasty and I know that while hes sneaking aroung he would never come out and admitt whats hes doing becauise he knows it too-this is about sex nothing more and his sex life should'nt hurt and embarass my baby my feeling aside
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): I'm not sure why you felt the need to share this with your daughter. It's really something she should not have to worry about, at least until she is an adult.
Your ex-husband's sexuality is his own affair, and if he chooses not to reveal it to anyone, that is his choice. Why must people know anyway? What would it change? His family and parents are not part of his sexual life in any case, so why would they need to know?
I suspect your reaction is more to do with feelings of resentment and affront that he is either gay or bisexual, and over your marriage break up. You should make efforts to move on with your life, as his sexuality will not have been influenced by you, and let him get on with his, without making yourself look unpleasant and bitter to others by gossiping about him.
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A
female
reader, love-him  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Hey bbe, the thing which has become apparant to me is that you wont let your daughter see him even if she wanted to. Is it because of him being gay/bi? or is it that he is lying? Your daughter maybe is getting upset because she is seeing the reflection from you.. i do still think you both should sort it out, and try and get your daughter into contact with him.. I hope i helped, Dont take what i have said in the wrong kind of way, mail me if u would like to talk x
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (5 August 2007):
 His sexual preferences are his own concern, particularly since your marriage is no more. His relationship as a father to his daughter is a separate issues to his sex life. If he chooses to act gay or straight in his own town is really his business alone. Your daughter may feel angry or confused about what has been revealed but she may change her mind in time and wish to renew contact with her father. She will be sensitive to your views on the matter since she lives with you. If you stop her seeing her father then she could in time come to resent you for interfering in her life and that would be unfortunate. Your role as a mother should be to remain impartial (even if you are disgusted privately) and support her decision whatever she decides.
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