A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Iv been with my bf a year I got a feeling over the last couple of days there was something wrong. He has always been honest and said that he never divorced his wife (been seperated three years) and that they had kids I was always supportive of this and even gave him my car when he wanted to go and visit them as they live far awayThis morning I rang him and asked him 'are we ok' He said we would talk later but i said i need to know nowHe said he had been talking to his ex and they wanted to give things another tryIts come totally out of the blue Im gonna go talk to him tonight but Im in peices I have seen him for 18mths and been together for a yrI dont know how he can do this too me Everything was fine Saturdday
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female
reader, TiredoftheBS  +, writes (19 June 2007):
I feel for you as I have been through that with and old ex from highschool as well my current husband years ago when we were dating. I felt the same way you do... "It came out of the blue" but really it hasn't. It is common practice it seems for people who have kids together to break up and make up multiple times regardless of their relationship status with someone else. If they never truly let go of the relationship they had prior to breaking up and never got over it... they won't any time soon. It takes much longer in situations like that. You have to remember they will always have some form of love for each other, and they do spend time together and share personal conversations. It is tough to let go of a relationship when it involves so much intimate communication. They are dealing with "their family" and unfortunately any person from the new relationship are outsiders to that "family". Even after marriage, I still feel like an outsider most times. Love my husbands kids to death but even after 5 years their mother resents me and makes thing uncomfortable. This is what you sign up for when you are dealing with someone who has children from another relationship or marriage. Not always the case but it is very common. I hope things work out for you and PLEASE don't settle. If you two do get back together he MUST set some boundaries for his ex. Something would have to change! You have to love yourself enough to NOT get in to a relationship that you know will ultimately hurt you. If I had to do it over again i would NOT get involved with a man who has children unless the mother was positively not going to be any issue (ie. she is happily remarried, etc.) Don't mistake the illusion of hatred either... they have to care about each other to some extent to give that much energy to hate...Take care.
A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Ah honey I am sorry,
There is nothing you can do my sweet to keep a man they have to want to be with you, he split from his wife for a reason this doesn't mean giving it one more try is going to solve any past problems they had...
If I were you darling and this is going to be hard be calm and gentle and say something like, "I love you so much that as long as you are happy who ever your with then it makes me happy," and leave it at that, he really won't be expecting that, I know its going to break your heart but he is going to give it another try no matter what you say so don't go making it harder on yourself you deserve better than that...
Then show him that your out and about enjoying your life all ways be pleasant in his company never shout or get angry please this will just make him go to his ex- wife even more...
You deserve someone to love and cherish you for the lovely person you are if he can't see that then he truely is not the right man for you, because you deserve only the very best xx
Hope this helps you darling be strong please x
Let me know how you get on
Love Donna x
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