A
female
age
41-50,
*odkablue
writes:i need to write this stuff down otherwise ill go mad.6 years ago i worked with my ex fiance and a guy i was very good friends with. my ex fiance and i met when i started the job. we got engaged and got a house together soon after that it went wrong.he never seemed to care how i felt-spent more time on his computer than with me and basically treated me like a flat mate rather than his future wife. i did a lot for him looked after him etc but in the end i had enough and left.he transferred up north to where we had got the house whilst i stayed in london-i was happy to give him the house.i continued working at the same place-after a while my male friend and i got close and started dating-that was 5 years ago.this may sound like a pattern but for the past 4 years he has been emotionally ice cold with me. he has an ex wife who he pays maintanance to and is always short of cash.at first i didnt mind but i kept giving and giving getting myself into serious debt for him. in the end i had to get debt management-when i told him he didnt seem to care told me it was my own fault ?i was so hurt im basically on my own .im living with my sister now but Still im paying for this guy to live in the flat we had-he makes me feel guilty saying he will be homeless.i feel such a foolto make it worse a girl that used to work with me had told me my first ex had got married-had heard about what had happened to me and had found it hilarious.im constantly in tears i hate my life im insolvent my credit files wrecked im just feeling rubbish-sorry
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Hersong  +, writes (4 July 2009):
Shh shh. I understand how you feel, people often come along it seems just to break your heart. He was telling you without words that he didn't see a future with you. But that's okay. It doesn't mean that he won't ever change his mind in time but more likely I don't think you want to be with someone as cold as he is, not to mention that he wasn't exactly up front with you. You should think about who it is that you want and write down all the characteristics of the person you are dreaming of. He doesn't have to be perfect, think how you coming into his life will change in some ways too, and that this person will respond well to you. He'll get a special glow of happiness that he didn't have before you. You are a goddess, and you deserve to be treated with tenderness, and love. Every woman is a goddess and an entire universe in themselves, just there are things that hide this. Another thing that helps when getting over someone is close your eyes and picture yourself surrounded by an egg of safety where nothing can hurt you. Then another thing is realize there are invisible connections between all people we know or have known and we can change how that connection is doing if you wish to visualize a tether between you and him and unravel it till it's gone. These sound like silly visualizations but they work really well for some because a persons power is in their mind and their thoughts. You have the power to change the way things are depending on what your state of mind is. Just keep trying to be happy, cause that's the most important thing. Hope you feel better soon. With Love, Sandra
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