A
female
age
30-35,
*arla
writes:HiI'm an 18 year old girl and I've been seeing my boyfriend for over 2 years. I love him very much and last year we decided to move in together. To pay the rent I had to quit college and go working and since I lost my job a few months ago we are struggling so much with money that we have to move out, I suggested that we move in with another couple so our rent will be cheaper, that way we will still technically be out by ourselves without parents interfereing, but he is having none of it and is to determined to move back to his parents house with me even though it is in the middle of nowhere. I have now decided that I really need to go back to college to further my opportunities and I really need to be living in the city for convenience. I could not stand living out in his parents house and travelling miles to be in college every day and being so remote and isolated where his parents house is, but I dont wanna upset him either. what should I do?
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female
reader, karla +, writes (28 July 2008):
karla is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u so much for your help guys, i now know i need 2 look after number 1! xxx
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Yeah, it sounds like your boyfriend loves the easy life. It doesn't take much effort to sell a chunk of land, after all. Apply to college and tell him that living at his parents is inconvenient. He's got a few options:
- He can stay at his parents without you, while you do the dorm thing.
- Shared housing.
- Or he can get a JOB and you can get an apartment together.
Sounds like he's used to leaning on others for money. He needs to grow up and get a job. You sound extremely bright and solid, and I think you're doing the right thing by investing in your own future by continuing your education. Congratulations and good luck!
xx India
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A
female
reader, karla +, writes (28 July 2008):
karla is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe sold a portion of land last year and treated me like a princess, gifts here, holidays there...he was amazing...i felt overwhelmed by this and kind of guilty in a way but the money ran out about 8 months ago. he hasnt or isnt working now so i've been paying for everything when i was working and now it is killing me to ask money from my mum since i lost my job. i dont mind forking out since he was good to me in the past...maybe he has a little more growing up to do? i am 4 years is minor?!?
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 he wants an easy life with mum and dad being young like he is, while you want independence and a commited relationship.
you have sacrificed your own goals in education to succeed at your relationship goals. if your relationship goals fall apart maybe you need to put your education goals first.
is/was he employed or did you support him while he was in college? have you put more effort into this than he has? who's needs overall seem to come first and to whom?
practicality and your needs must come first
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Hy, I've loved sharing houses with people. They don't have to be couples. A shared house with 6 people in it can be great, like Big Brother but actually with freedom. Those evenings where you all head for the lounge with bottles - class! I used to feel sorry for people who lived in couples, on their own every night unless they did something. Any case, way more fun than parents. Maybe your bf is scared? In which case, you move into a shared house honey, just make sure you have a good feeling about it/the people. Maybe stay with his folks until then? But don;t feel trapped! Your options are way open and u won't lose him because of them.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Unfortunately, it sounds to me as if he is not really emotionally ready for the responsibilities of a live-in relationship regardless of the location. His insistence on moving back to his parents' house in spite of the inconvenience seems to me to demonstrate a level of dependence on them that says that he has some more growing up to do before he's really ready.
I would suggest that you tell him that although you very much want to continue the relationship, you no longer feel right living with him at his parents' house. Let him move back there, and you find another place ... maybe roommates at college, or wherever you were living before you moved in with him. There is no need to break off the relationship with him, and he probably will be upset by this, but you need to manage your own life as well as managing your relationship with him, and the best thing for both of you, I think, would be for you NOT to move in with his parents.
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