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female
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anonymous
writes: I had a huge argument yesterday with my boyfriend because I got all jealous regarding his wife and I need to know how to control these feelings and think before I speak before I push him away. He isnt divorced yet, they have been separated 2 years due to her cheating on him and the divorce is going through at the moment. He had another relationship before me so I dont think im rebound girl but I cant help getting the feeling that he isnt over his wife yet. He mentions her in conversation every now and then and it gets my back up. Its usually about how she has annoyed him but I said the fact she still bugs him so much is because he still has feelings for her. He has tried many times to explain what its like for him having to be friends due to the kids and how he hates hassle and it makes life easier just by being nice to her but I dont get it. He says its me he cares for and wants to be with but he is sick and tired of us having the same old row and its unfair of me to push my insecurities onto him by telling him what he must think and feel. I know I do this and want to stop. After hearing him out yesterday, I do understand what he is saying but I dont seem able to believe it. How can I help myself before I lose this wonderful man?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): I can hear where you are coming from because I am in the exact same position with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is going through divorce and has a child and it drives me nuts. I hate when they have to meet up to drop the child off or just for all the crap they are going through with - the divorce ie. taxes0 but try to calm down because in the end it will be worth it and he will stop talking about her soon- i can only imagine how annoying that may be. good luck!
A
female
reader, colorado girl +, writes (26 July 2006):
You should wait to date him until he is legally divorced, and apparently happy on his own. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): hi sweetie,,please try not to let your own insecurity drive him away.
listen to what he is saying and HOW he is saying it.He talks of her only to moan..he will always have some kind of feeling towards her,she is the mother of his children but i can tell you from personal experience that does not mean those feelings are love(in fact sometimes it can be pure hate)
He is trying to make the best of a very difficult time.Divorce isnt easy at the best of times and even more so when children are involved.
I admire him for the fact that he is willing to be civil towards his ex this makes such a difference to children it is easier for them to see then that Mum and Dad are happier and nicer people when they are not together and the can accept it then that maybe it is best that mummy and daddy dont live with each other anymore
Both parents can then get on with showing the children that the kids are loved totally even if mum and dad dont love each other.
Now he has made a life with you and he is always reassuring you that he loves you..BELIEVE IT GIRL!!!! Contrary to belief not all men say i love you just to get you into bed!!This man already has you in his bed!!If he didnt truly love you then trust me..he would stop saying it.
He needs your support at the moment but most of all he needs your understanding.It wont be like this all the time..obviously you will have some contact with his ex when visitation arrangements are made but just be civil to her( but not rude,this may make her rethink his visits and disallow you from being part of his childrens lives).
Tell your boyfriend that you love him and that you will be more understanding from now on and when he does mention her listen to him and grit your teeth for a while.
remember that you are the one he chooses to wake up every morning and these feelings of jealousy will diminish and pass.remeber she only had a few years of him in her life..you can have forever...
Good luck sweetie xx
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A
female
reader, chazx  +, writes (25 July 2006):
 Hello Sweetie
you have to try very hard to keep your jealousy out but is there really anything to be jealous about?
it is understandable for him to want to be nice to his ex wife to be because of the children.
jealousy is the first sign of insecuritie and you dont want that because then it come to being untrustworthy and lack of faith so you just have to push the jealous to the back of your head and forget about it.
as long as you know and believe that he will and always is faithful and that there is nothing apart from care for the children there you should be fine.
Good Luck and keep me in touch.
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