A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my husband works two jobs, always busy and I know that he is tired, but he spends his spare time, playing sports, or watching tv. he says that he loves me, but I feel so lonely all the time. I told him how I feel, but he doesn;t seem to care.I told him that I am depressed, he never answered me nor did he say anything. When I said, that he should say something, he just said that he does not know what to do. He does not know how to take away my loneliness ( he did not say this, I am ) He ignore what I am going through.He is always too tired to make love after the sport thing. I told him that he should quit if it is affecting our personal life, but he refuses. I am so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice ?Thanks
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (13 April 2007):
 It sounds like he needs to change his ways and his behaviour towards you. To spend more time with you and I dont just mean having sex but quality time together.
He should be able to find a balance between his social activities and the love of his life. What does he prefer anyway spending his time playing with his balls or you spending time playing with his...(you get the idea).
He needs to have a reality check with this.
As to a counseller, yuo can visit your doctor and ask through them, they should refer you to someone. Though whether this is the same as it is in America I am not too sure.
It does sound to me like he is'nt giving you the time you deserve, maybe you should go out and do something with your time and see if he misses the time he would have with you.
All the best..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): Hi,again, thank you all very much for your advice and thoughts on my problem. I am the one with the husband being too tired after sports. Does insurance cover seeing a councellor? Where do I get a councellor ? All this is new to me.Thanks again
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (12 April 2007):
 He needs to start thinking about you and not just himself. We all have our own lives and that's healthy but when that starts to ruin your marriage or relationship and makes them feel lonely, things need to change.
You need to talk to him. He doesn't sound like a great listener and many people aren't but I think he has to try. You sound really desperate to sort this out and myabe you need to see a counsellor on your own, maybe you have some issues with self esteem?
He really doesn't realise how serious this is and the only way he will is if you tell him. Tell him everything you feel and make him enter into the discussion with you. Let him know walking away from you and your feelings isn't going to work anymore and, if he continues to do so, I think you need someone who makes you happy and who can embrace your femininity and emotional side.
I'm sure he's a great man, but sometimes we can all not listen to our partners needs, mostly because we're so wrapped up in our own lives and don't notice. You have to make him notice what's going on with you and make him do something about it. He has to start making time for you, not just to make love but to make you feel wanted and loved. No one should feel lonely when they're with someone they love.
Maybe you should think about getting some past times too? If he's a busy man, maybe it would be good for you to get out there, do something new and meet new people. Then you would both be doing stuff you enjoy away from each other and then, when you come home, you'll both be dying to see each other!
Good luck.
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