A
female
age
30-35,
*arissamoss
writes:i've been seeing this guy for 3 months now.everything was great. i know he likes me and he knows i like him. we went to several dates. he always holds my hand, hugs me when we are watching movies, always drops me off at my bus stop. in short to me he's perfect when we meet.but he's really weird with texting. i've asked him before about this. sometimes we can text all night and then he jut stopped replying for 2 or 3 days. we've talked about this and he said i can text him first if i want. so i did. but his response sometimes is very short and seemed bored. i am very annoyed with this. but apparently that's also how he does it even with her mother or sister (whom he's very close with)i tried building up conversation with his short answers but in the end i got tired and chose not to reply again. this happened several times. but like i said he really is a different person when we meet. i'm confused.i made it clear to him that i can't sleep with him. but he's okay with that. we made some compromises with this issue and he still hangs around though he knows this.is he really into me or what?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Glad I could help! Best wishes for you, too! :)
Take care.
A
female
reader, carissamoss +, writes (4 August 2013):
carissamoss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks!
I guess i will wait a bit longer but maybe this time i will limit my availability to him.
I don't know if that maybe makes him realise it or not but either way i need to limit myself so that i won't get hurt too deep if he still doesn't change his mind
Thanks a lot!u r a really big help,lifton!
Best wishes for u ;)
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 August 2013):
good for you! that's awesome you talked to him. i know that wasn't easy. only you can know what you are and are not okay with in this situation. for me, personally, i would have a hard time staying with someone who wouldn't want to commit to me after three months of dating. but everyone is different and that's just me.
i can't be certain. it just sounds as though he's enjoying the best of both worlds. he has you whenever he wants without the commitment. i would maybe give it a bit longer, and see if anything changes. if after a while, he still wasn't wanting a commitment, then i would move on. that's my two cents :)
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A
female
reader, carissamoss +, writes (4 August 2013):
carissamoss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot lifton. i finally built up the courage to text him first and asked him about the relationship. he said he doesn't want it but he wants to keep seeing me and see what happens. personally i have no problem with this.
he and i talked a lot and we were really open to each other. o told him how i feel and he said he can change if i think he's too distant.
what do u think?should i keep seeing him?
i do like him a lot but i'm confused as hell as to what i'm in right now.not sure whether i should keep seeing him or not. i', just afraid that i will get hurt
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 August 2013):
It can't hurt to be honest. If he runs for the hills because you want to be with him, after three months, then he's not the right guy for you and you've stopped wasting your time. And if he responds positively and says yes, he's looking for that, then casually mention that sometimes, him disappearing for days makes you uncomfortable. And that you don't require much, but you would like a bit more contact because its what you're most comfortable with. See if you can meet in the middle.
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A
female
reader, carissamoss +, writes (3 August 2013):
carissamoss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell well to be honest i'm confused here.i've never been in a relationship before.i dated some guys before and this never happened. I did ask him once what if i want to be in a relationship and he said it's okay.but i think he took it as a joke.
Lifton,ur question definitely made me think more about this thing. I've never thought i want a relationship before but with this guy i think i might want to be in one.
Then if that's the case, should i tell him what i want?or should i just let him contact me first and talk about it?
We are really open to each other.i've always told him what i want and vice versa.as far as i can remember i think this is the longest he's gone missing
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 August 2013):
it sounds to me like he's just treating you like he treats most women he's dating. this must be his idea of what normal dating is. i don't think he's trying to hurt you or confuse you. in fact, i'd bet he'd be super surprised to come to find that you're even upset at all, honestly.
you say you both don't want a relationship. so that's how he's treating you. he's treating you like a girl he's seeing but not in a relationship with. i think if you want constant contact, you are seeking a relationship. that seems to be the disconnect here. there's a disconnect between what you say you want versus what you're actually wanting. he's saying he doesn't want a girlfriend, and he's treating you as such. and if you truly didn't want a relationship, you'd be perfectly okay with the days you don't talk.
take some time and think about what you really want.
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A
female
reader, carissamoss +, writes (2 August 2013):
carissamoss is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni want to keep seeing him but i don't think label matters that much.
he hasn't replied for 3 days already. should i ask him whether he wants to stop seeing each other?
i'm really confused. because he often does this, i've asked him once. he said if he wants to stop he will tell me. then why is he doing this?
should i just text him and ask him?or should i wait?
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (2 August 2013):
 So both of you have said to the other that you don't want a relationship? And yet I'm getting the strong impression that you do. You need to decide what you want from this guy.
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A
female
reader, carissamoss +, writes (1 August 2013):
carissamoss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is not that he doesn't text much or i text too much.the problem is he just doesn't reply and disappears for days.we do not talk on phone either. I will be willing to compromise if the problem is like urs and lifton's.but this is really frustrating.he went on for 2 or 3 days without contacting me at all and just came back like nothing happened.He is in fact a great texter.he talks a lot with texts.he even said it is his favourite means of communication.so what's wrong here?I don't know if i'm the one who make such a big deal out of this or what but i do think this is a problem.We both talked about relationship.he doesn't seem like the type that enjoys relationship.he said he was always asked to be bf gf by his exes. I don't want to ask him first.i want him to bring it up when he's ready and frankly i don't think label is that important.Btw we are of ths same age.we are both 21.I thought of asking him casually the next time he appear like where have u been?but i know he will just humour me by saying something funny.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): I wouldn't consider this a red flag. It seems like there may be other red flags, depending on the situation (especially since you seem to have pushed him away by saying you don't like to be in relationships), but this isn't one of them.
I'm 26. I text far more than my fiance, who is 35 and whose favorite form of communication is NOT the written (or typed) word. He tried really hard when we first got together, and his love-texts were hilarious and touching to behold. As with any behavior that doesn't come naturally, though, it dropped off and now he greatly prefers to talk at the end of the day. He is a great communicator, just not a texter. It doesn't mean anything.
Like llifton and her girlfriend, I text a bit less now, he texts a bit more, and we're all happy.
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A
female
reader, carissamoss +, writes (31 July 2013):
carissamoss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually it's partly me.i told him i don't enjoy being in a relationship.i'm confused though what we are. But i do know that what we have is more than casual friendship.
That's ths point i want him to be crazy about me but he seems soooo laid back and by the way most aussie guys are.they like taking it slow.anyway i'm not sure but whenever we meet he always say he likes me and wants to spend more time with me
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (31 July 2013):
You've been dating this guy for 3 months but you're not boyfriend/girlfriend yet? That's the thing I'd be more concerned about rather than his lack of texting.
Maybe he just wants a casual friendship with you? In this case, it would be quite normal if he didn't text you for a few days. If he was crazy about you, he'd be in touch with you all the time!
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A
female
reader, carissamoss +, writes (31 July 2013):
carissamoss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses guys.we live in the same city.
At first i also thought that maybe he is just like that.but i tried to text him first sometimes and he replied immediately.but after that it seems like he doesn't really want to continue the conversation.i met him from a chatting apps and we never call each other.
Like i said i tried text him first.sometimes the conversations can go on for hours but sometimes i got really short responses. Sometimes he didn't reply for 2 days but he suddenly popped back like nothing happened.
I don't mean i want him to text me everyday.but when we first knew each other he was really active. I've decided to step back several times.i let him text me first although sometimes i need to wait for 2 or 3 days.
Do u think it's better this way?
We are not gf bf yet and i still don't know whether we should be or not but we did say that we're exclusive and he also told me he's not seeing other girls
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (31 July 2013):
 If he also does it to his mother and sister you know the issue is not with you. I can't see the problem to be honest, but then I prefer to talk to people and save the texting for thing like "held up, 5 mins away, C U soon".
Maybe your boyfriend is also not a fan of texting, and does it really matter that much in the scheme of things? If this is all you have to be annoyed about I would suggest you let the matter drop and focus on all his good points!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 July 2013):
when i first met my girlfriend, she was much like your boyfriend. i had a lot of the same issues that you are facing. in this day and age, we are very text savvy. everyone texts and if someone isn't very into it, it throws us completely out of whack and confuses us. it did to me, i hate to admit. and i pride myself on not being needy at all. i'm a very low maintainance person.
she would sometimes text me for hours, then i wouldn't hear from her for days. but like you, when i would see her, i could tell just how much she cared and liked me. it was written all over her body language and her actions. it was hard for me to understand. it was unpredictable and as humans, we like predictability. we eventually talked and she admitted that she wasn't ever into texting and could live without having a cell phone completely, if not for safety purposes. she said that she wasn't used to using her phone that much because she'd been single for years and just never had anyone to text and keep up with on a daily basis. we eventually and naturally conformed to each others needs over time. she texts a bit more and i text a bit less and we are both happy.
so all in all, i'm sure he really likes you a lot going by his actions when you're together. perhaps you could calmly discuss with him (if you ever become an official couple), the things you need from to make you feel secure. but you may also have to realize that he won't be the kind of texter you wish he was. you may have to meet in the middle.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): Do you live far away? I'm personally not a texter. Its annoying. I don't think you should be texting him first. Let him! I'm the type to just talk in person so let him text or call you for a date but just assume that you'll only talk when you meet and that's better!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 July 2013):
 Maybe he finds texting impersonal. How about if you WANT to talk you call him?
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