A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I m so disappointed . My husband and me , might be unable to make it much longer together., after 26 years of marriage. I know sex is not everything, but affection is... I really need some understanding and some advice. He is a good man, but he is totally lost his sexual function for unknown reasons. He is unable to keep his erections, and he has zero sex drive. And now please understand, he went to several specialists, and they dont know what is wrong with him. He used to be very sexual. And than once it stopped suddenly. Like really suddenly. He is now, never even looks at me, touching at me, or anything, He was very willing to go to doctors, and he is great health. Also they tried testosterone, but didn't work at all.Now there is nothing else to try. Viagra, and stuff like that wont work, as he has no sexual desire. The only thing they said, that it could bey arrhythmia, a low grade depression. If anybody familiar with depression, or this specific type of depression, and damaged sexual function, please let me know.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (29 June 2013):
 Sadly this happens to many guys in their 40's and 50's. I think you and him have done an admirable job checking out the physical reasons why he may be having this problem. Usually testosterone does the trick but in your case it didn't work.
Usually the problem isn't you or that he's seeing someone else. I do believe that sometimes men lose the ability to have sex (or lose the desire to have sex) in their 40's. Sadly it is part of the aging process -- just as women face menopause, men's health generally declines. I do think that medical science is often left scratching their heads in how to solve this problem... unfortunately that doesn't help you at all.
Here are my suggestions:
1) If his diet is filled with soy -- avoid it. Soy is filled with estrogen... I've seen men who chug soy milk lose their sex drives and grow man boobs as a result. It is okay in moderation, but if he is heavily into it, it could be a red flag
2) Have him go to a cardiologist. Often a man's inability to have an erection is linked to early heart disease.
3) If he is heavy / overweight or has diabetes, it will affect his view of himself as well as his performance. Hitting the gym together can certainly help achieve closeness and being fit and healthy.
4) Check his medication. If he is on an anti-depressant or drinks heavily, this will definitely affect his ability.
5) Check for environmental pollution...
6) If pornography turns him on (or he can achieve an erection solo) you may want to try and use it as a tool to start things.
Finally, your husband needs to be supportive of your needs. Just because he can't have an erection doesn't mean that your needs stop. Suggest oral sex or using toys so that he can participate and be with you and still achieve some sort of closeness with one another. Unfortunately if he doesn't meet you half way, you may have to consider how important having a sex life is and what lengths you are willing to go to satisfy it.
Know that you aren't alone in this and I do hope you find a solution... but I honestly think this is part of the aging process...
Eddie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): Are you sure he's not having an affair? May be the spark isn't there anymore and he's gone astray? I ask because it is medically explainable that he can't hold an erection, but not giving you affection is something else. Is he just not attracted to you anymore? Like one of the previous answers, it could be depression or some psychological issue but what is the root cause? Is he just no longer happy in the relationship?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): You by your own words are not happy with what happened to him. It is not your fault he has seen different doctors but the problem is still there. You make the decision, I believe you have to say good bye and at least go to a man who is not afraid to say I love you and hold and kiss you. Don't turn into a martyr here. Good-luck.
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