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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: There's this girl I've been having "something" with for the past few months.I was the one all throughout the relationship who pushed it forward (we used to be friends before). Like... I had to go in for the first kiss, ask her out on a "date", etc. Which, I guess it's okay since I'm the guy. At one point she told me that she liked things to go naturally and without awkward questions. But I still insisted her on becoming my girlfriend and she told me no every time.Lately it's been becoming worse. She many times pulled out the "let's not see each other any more because this isn't good for either of us", but every time after that we ended up meeting again. Also, now she's less affectionate. She's cold at first when I meet her and doesn't want to kiss me but in the end she gives in and ends up kissing me back. Her affection towards me could be described as intermittent.According to her there are many reasons why she doesn't want to have something serious with me, like me being irresponsible or inconsiderate, that I lied to her, or having some shitty attitudes -in the past- towards some of her friends. She's also sure that I will cheat on her the first chance I've got. Which is completely untrue.And because she doesn't want a serious relationship with me because of the aforementioned reasons, she doesn't want to "get used to me" or become dependant on me and therefore she doesn't want a FWB relationship either. Basically, she doesn't want to become hooked.I don't know why she has such a concept of me, or if these are all excuses to say that she doesn't like me in other way (e.g. physically) and be less hurting. What do you guys think?So the pattern is as follows:1) She plays hard to get2) I insist3) She gives inEvery. Single. Time.Last night for example, we had a great time together and she texted me today too.Maybe I'm completely wrong here, but in my eyes, if she really didn't want me she could just avoid me or stop texting me, or stop answering to my texts.I really like this girl, we get along perfectly except for this. I'd really do anything for her at this point. Even if it's emotionally draining, I will still try to get her.But I need to see from an objective point of view here, will being persistent pay off in the end? I know reality isn't like Hollywood movies in which the guy always gets the girl in the end, but... Maybe there's some truth to it.PD: I don't want to play games like acting indifferent for a while, or making her jealous or any other stupid stuff. In my eyes, doing that kind of thing is just childish.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): If this girl is really interested in you...I assure she will let you know about it, especially as you are doing everything to let her know you want her. She has told you that she doesn't want a relationship and you are not listening. She may enjoy your company sometimes but wanting to get physically or emotionally involved with someone is a different thing altogether. She has set out reasons why she doesn't think a relationship with you would be right, you would do well to listen to her. In the meantime she may be giving in at times purely because she feels pressured and does not wish to offend you or feel bad about herself for doing so.With the risk of sounding ancient, my experience tells me this. People of your age are experimenting..which is essential for your development. Its all an essential learning experience. She may behave one way, to test what reaction she gets, it tells her..."if I behave like this a guy likes it, aor I get what i want"...if she wants a relationship with you she will continue to encourage you, if she is testing your reaction she may be learning how to manipulate (for want of a better word) to get what she wants from someone else. This is all normal.I think you need to seriously back off and quick. She will let you know if she wants more (which I doubt) and you can learn and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): I think you really like her. She's lucky because you taking the time to ask strangers about her, makes me think you have sincere feelings for her.So, if you really like her, then go for it.Persistence pay off. I am a type of girl that kind a similar to your lady love. Maybe even worst.I will really push you to your limit before I say yes.But once you exerted your effort to the highest level, I'm sure, she'll say, you win. I do seriously think that she's worth it, she's making you work hard, making you behave well and treat her like a lady.If you get a girl in two weeks or less, its like all of her bf's did same thing with her and what would you call that type of girl? Easy to get.Hmm, if I were a guy I wouldn't waste my time with that type of girl. But your girl, I say, yeah go for it. It will pay off in the end. Take things slow.Good luck!
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