A
female
age
41-50,
*razyinlove75
writes:Hi, my story is long and confusing but I will try to keep it brief!I met a guy through work 6 months ago and started seeing him for a couple of months. We hit it off pretty quickly which surprised me, as I am very shy and it usually takes me a long time to get to know people, even friends. I think i have fallen for him, but he ended our relationship in January - he was meant to be coming round to my place that evening but he texted to tell me to forget about him and move on.We met up to talk the following day, and he told me that he'd got a call from his ex girlfriend who needed to see him. I later found out that she called him to say she thought she was pregnant - apparently this is the 3rd time she'd said that to him. She isn't of course... He said he wasn't going to go back to her but was confused and needed time to himself and to look after his kids (he has 3 teenage kids who all live with him). I was understanding as he was in an emotional state and we parted on good terms. A few days later we were chatting at work and he admitted that he was seeing his ex girlfriend. I was heartbroken, particulary since he'd told me all about that relationship - that they'd split up 15 times over the past 2.5 years, and her kids and his kids didn't get on. He also wasn't sure if he could raise her children, who are 8 and 10. She had also played small mind games with his children, who understandably felt like they were being pushed out. I stopped speaking to him but it was difficult to do so as I adore him, and think I've fallen for him - seeing him every day at work did not help. We started talking again some time later and although I'm very confused, did get the feeling that he has feelings for me. We went out to lunch a few weeks ago and ended up kissing - this was initiated by me. Since then we've had sex twice, and as guilty as I feel, I am also full of joy that we did, as I miss talking to him and spending time with him. We come from different backgrounds but we have a strong connection and attraction for each other. He is 9 years older than me with children, and I don't have kids. He said that we both have to move on as he is still in a relationship with this woman and knows that it's tearing me apart. He doesn't know what hte future holds with this this other woman, but has to sort out what he feels for her and if it doesn't work out then it will take him time to get over it. He has told me that she is possessive and doesn't like it if he wants to go out with friends in the evening and thinks that they should spend all their free time together. He also told me that whilst he has strong feelings for her he doesn't know if it's love but has told her that he loves her. He admitted that he doesn't like the way that she dresses - apparently like a tart! I know too much and can't understand what he is doing with her!! He told me recently that he has told me more personal stuff than anyone - even his girlfriend of 2.5 years and he admitted that it scares him how open he is with me and does have feeling for me, but can't end their realtionship because of me. He said that if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but can't end it because of someone else. So what can I do? I can't eat, I can't sleep very well and I've even got a rash on my body from the stress! I think I love him and there is nothing I can do. I'm broken hearted!!! There is obviously that bond between them...but it doesn't sound like a very healthy one to me but I am biased! I miss him and don't know how to get over him.If you got this far, thank u for reading this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): What can you do is move on, definitely. The situation is very clear. This man spells trouble. He's manifestly very unstable and undecided. This woman called on him on three occasions to cry out pregnancy, she dresses unappropriately and they broke up 15 times. Constant fights, break-ups, make-ups should draw your awareness. To be drawn to a relationship that has proved uncountable times to be unsuitable is very unwise, because you lose uncountable times and don't learn.Second chances are justified when the partner is appreciative of them and willing to bring their contribution to strengthen the union, not only indulging in a deficient relation. They do have an unhealthy connection and you are not influenced by your role when you declare that. Move on. You don't have other options. Best wishes and I'd advise a self-evaluation of your standards and the selection process.
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