A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship now for over a year. We live together, love each other, things are great. EXCEPT I have a WAY bigger sex drive than him. He's not affectionate at all! He doesn’t like holding hands, making out in public, or holding onto me…which has been fine, because things like that should stay behind doors..But sometimes he’ll go an entire day without kissing me! He doesn’t passionately kiss me unless we’re about to make love. And that doesn’t happen a whole lot. I feel rejected, unwanted, not sexy...ect. I put on outfits for him, sometimes those don’t even work. I know he loves me and there’s no one else, but I just feel so rejected by him at times and it’s driving me mad. There are six years between us, I’m the younger one, and he’s not as young as he used to be...He’s been with 50 girls before me!! Maybe he’s just done? I don’t know what to do! I need advice! Do these things change? Should I wait it out, try harder, or just move on?
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kissing, move on, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): I seriously hate to be the one to rat a brother out, but he's cheating on you. It'll be obvious to you once I explain what everything means: br br
1) Reduced sex drive - Men don't lose their sexual abilities until their 50's or 60's, and even then they NEVER lose their sex drive. That's why Viagra exists. If he doesn't want the bedroom boogie from you, it means he's getting the horozontal mambo from someone else. br br
2) Won't display affection in public - This usually means he's afraid of running into someone in public who might be very upset to see him being close to another girl. Some people won't kiss in public due to modesty, but I've never heard of anyone eho thought hand-holding in public was disgusting. br br
3) Won't display affection in private - This can only mean one thing. He doesn't feel any towards you... likely because he feels it for someone else now. br br
4) Resists overt sexual advances from you - No way! Men LOVE sexual advances from women. He is either cheating or gay. br br
5) Been with 50 women - Assuming he's around 30ish (you said 6 older than your 22-25) it would be VERY hard for him to form a relationship, build trust, reach a sexual level, break up, and start over 50 times in only 10-15 years of sexual activity without seeing women 2 or 3 at a time at some points in that time span. Once a cheater... br br
The problem is that you moved in. Break-ups are WAY harder when you live together. One of you suddenly ends up homeless. Plus when you have a long history together it's hard to let it go, especially when you know that you're the "bad guy" like he does. That's probably why he chooses to cheat instead of just break up. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. You have my deepest sympathy.
A
female
reader, shygrl +, writes (4 June 2010):
i do NOT think you should give up on your relationship just because his not affectionate at all, maybe you should try sitting down with him and explaining that you wish he was a little more affectionate with you.. However i do NOT think you should have to give him discrete "promises" to get him to show you some affectionate. He should do it because he loves you and you ask him..
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 First...there's no expiration date or numerical trip point for sexual drive7desire. Secondly, The whole "holding hands and cuddling thing" is more of a female desire than a male's turn on. We males are a more visual and secret whispers type of animal. Have you tried low-cut and descrete "promises" of sexual favors while out (like at a deli or market)? For example; "If you hold my hand, I'll give you a BJ when we get home." Stuff like that will light a fire in the old chimney
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A
female
reader, myp +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Theres no way that I can assume what his lack of sex drive is about. The one thing I do know though is that its unlikely, that if in good health, hes just done with sex. As women we're used to sexual attention ALL the time even if we dont reciprocate, so its strange and incredibly hurtful to feel unwanted by your partner. Men however are not the sex machines they tell us they are, they have their off days too; so if you feel rejected in your relationship then you should tell him that you feel unwanted and unsexy and its making you feel insecure about your relationship together. Ask him whats going on, and find out if its outside influences i.e. stress, work, family, or if its health, or if he just doesnt have much of a drive right now. If you don't know and don't ask then you'll never get a definitive answer.
feel free to PM me
good luck :]
-Myesha
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): ok listen to me !!
first of all I think it's good that he's been with over 50 girls before u it means that he's sexually satisfied now that could be the reason why his sex drive has decreased dramatically BUT there's still hope ..
there must be an underlying reason for him not to want sex theses days maybe he's depressed maybe there's something going on with him at work maybe he's worried about something, and you'de never know maybe he's cheating !!!!!!
I'm sorry but you have to think about EVERY POSSIBILITY
and the most important thing for you to do right now it to talk to him COMMUNICATION is the key, you have to address the issue with him, you both are in a relationship, each one of you have rights and responsibilities to make to the other person involved in this relationship, tell him that you want sex from him but at the same time don't be selfish like I said maybe he's going through a phase right now and he needs your emotional support not your physical one .
write back so I can know your opinion about this and sorry for my English it's not my first language.
good luck
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