A
female
age
36-40,
*ola16182
writes:Ok, a few weeks ago I wrote on here about my bf's emotional and slight physical abuse. (Basically the run down is he continually makes comments about me, my weight that really put me down, and for the physical part he "playfully" or so he calls it slaps me or likes to wrestle, or pretends he is going to hit me and then stops 1 inch from my face, in which last night he said he "slipped" and he actually did hit me in the face, not hard..but still)And he also acts very immature..like he talks "baby-talK" alot of the time even though I tell him it annoys me.Anyway I took the advice that people gave me from here finally and confronted him. We had pretty much a screaming match for the entire night and I told him the hitting and making fun of me had to stop..he then packed up all his stuff, and I asked him "So what are we? Done?" And then he was like, "I don't mean those things I say...if I believed them I wouldn't be with you. I only say it so that it will toughen you up and not be so sensitive to every comment a person will make about in your life. I'm just doing it until it stops bothering you, because I used to comment you with nice things (which he did) but that didn't help your self esteem so I'm trying this"umm...has anybody ever heard of this before? Saying mean things as a way of reverse-psychology? Because I sure haven't. By the way I still fell very in love with him until a few weeks ago when it just started getting to me. I still love him, but in a way I don't. I haven't felt a spark when he kisses me for months, and I don't feel like I want to have sex much anymore. And he gets mad when I don't want to have sex and has a fit basically. I just feel bored and have started to feel a small attraction to someone who asked me out 6 months ago, but don't get me wrong I would never cheat. My current bf and I have been together a total of 2 1/2 years...but it was a little on and off at times, so right now we've been together 16months straight.So yeah if anyone has some suggestions, or has heard of his version of "reverse-psychology" or maybe why I'm feeling this way (ie. the fading love)?
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female
reader, milasoap  +, writes (1 March 2009):
Self esteem issues are very important issues.
My sense from this is, you have to leave him, not only because of this, but because you say you're bored and feel a bit of attraction to someone else. This doesn't seem worth saving. As for whether he's sincere, I don't know. I know I wouldn't like reverse psychology, and instead would want him to give useful advise, or encourage me if he knows what are the issues (Let's go hiking! Let's go swim for a bit, come on, it'll be fun and you'll feel better!) A guy that's with you shouldn't be over the top, but needs to make it clear that he likes you the way you are. And a guy that's been with you for that long, should know you well enough to know how to bring up those issues without making you feel bad about it.
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