A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! I'm in an embarrassing situation! I recently started at a new job 5 weeks ago. Everybody's lovely but there are a large amount of staff that rotate, so you can often go weeks without working with certain members. Anyway I'm trying to get to know everybody and become part of the team. A few members have added me on Facebook and messaged me kind messages saying I've really fitted in!Anyway, I noticed another member of the unit on one of my co workers facebook and decided to add them as a friend. I then had a little look and just added a few of the people I had worked with a lot and had spoken to/helped me. Just to become a bit more included as they are all friends on Facebook and often swap shifts etc via this I was told. I added one of the guys that was of a similar age to myself, he had helped me and talked things through with me a lot. I have a boyfriend that I have been dating for 5 years and I had been told he was dating a staff member from a different area. So I assumed he would not think I was after anything more than a colleague friendship. He declined my friend request on Facebook. I saw that he had been talking to other colleagues via Facebook and had friended other people but my request still says 'pending' which suggests he has ignored it. I felt really silly and embarrassed as I didn't mean for it to come across like that, but decided not to dwell on it and get on as normal. Today is the first day I've seen him since I sent the request 5 days ago, he smiled at me when he first came in as normal. However, as the days gone on I've noticed him watching/looking at me a lot. I kept feeling his gaze land on me and purposely tried not to look up and make eye contact. He wouldn't stare, he would just keep looking and then looking away. It's made me feel quite uncomfortable. My first day he was all around me talking to me/ showing me things/ being really friendly, then he ignores my friend request and then he starts watching my every move in work. Just to help with your advice he's friends with pretty much every member of staff on Facebook so I didn't think it would be a problem. I was just trying to feel a bit more included. I never thought he would ignore it and I definitely didn't expect to keep making eye contact with him and have him watch me all day. What do you thinks going on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): Hi everyone! I am the OP of the question but I didn't take the code down!
Thank you for all of your advice! I think I might of mislead some of the answers though, as his staring isn't nastily! He's actually been talking to me fine and in group conversations he's kind of been angled towards myself and making eye contact with me often!
His staring is almost like when somebody has a crush on someone! I don't want to be big headed and say he has a crush/ finds me attractive but that's exactly how he's acting! He keeps walking by me and sitting near where I'm working! I keep catching him looking at me!
So I'm wondering whether this might have any reason why he ignored my request! Thanks for all your advice though!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): Oh yikes. I realize You didn't mean anything by it (as you friended other people), but he might not be looking at your facebook in order to notice that. It *might* be helpful to message/e-mail the guy with, "Hi, this is Molly Fitzmaurice. I sent you a friend request on facebook just as I have many others in the office. It was just an attempt at feeling more included since many people here are on each other's facebook. If my request gave the wrong impression or made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry. I hope we can start over as you have nothing to worry about." Hopefully, that will clear the air a little and while he may not be so friendly, I hope it doesn't get worse. I would definitely print out the friend request and the message and document how he acted and show management. Hopefully, you aren't going to tell on yourself for using facebook at work. As a manager myself, I've seen similar things happen. We had one woman who worked with us for a year before she sent a blanket invite to a BBQ. Only one person showed up and she got the cold shoulder from everyone else after the invite. She meant nothing by it at all and saw that many others spend time together outside of work. What she didn't understand was that they never invited HER to those things. She took workplace friendliness for friendship and they took her request for friendship as "crossing the line". It was really no big deal at all, but everyone was really distant and less friendly to her after that. It was really too bad, but it's like finding out a guy you thought was just a friend has a thing for you - get get more distant. You pull away, and sometimes it's just too darn awkward anymore. I'm sorry this happened to you.
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A
female
reader, Adeboyefa  +, writes (16 July 2014):
 He certainly read more meaning into your friend request than you intended. Maybe he thought you fancied him or his girlfriend is the jealous type.
If I were you, I would cancel the friend request and act as if nothing happened. If he has a change of mind later ( after seeing some of your posts as a friend of friends), he will be the one to send you a friend request.
Also go to FACEBOOK/PRIVACY AND SETTINGS/ NOTIFICATIONS and enable your email notifications so that friend requests will be documented for future reference in your email box. You can create a folder/label for Friend Requests in the email box and create a filter to auto-transfer all friend requests into.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): I wouldn't take it personally. He probably denied your friendship request because it would make his girlfriend jealous. A lot of guys do not befriend women just to avoid drama with their girlfriends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): I had the same thing happen to me at a job a few years back. He was a supervisor, really friendly guy, very outgoing, and had a great sense of humor. He also was around my age. I even looked through his Facebook friends list beforehand, and when hen I saw he had multiple people from work on there, I took it as my green light to go ahead and send him a request. He rejected it. When I saw him again at work, he was still polite, and didn't act too much different toward me, just slightly more distant. So I didn't take the rejection personally, and thought maybe he just didn't feel he knew me well enough to add me. Then I noticed as more time passed he started acting more and more unfriendly toward me. Whenever he would see me talking to someone, he would go right up to that person after I walked away, and say something. Then they would both give me a weird look. He would also watch me while I worked, arms folded, which was nerve wracking. It was almost as if he was WAITING for me to screw up so he could make an example of me. One day, I stayed late to help someone else, and he came right up to me and said coldly, "It's time for you to leave now". I didn't even have time to tell him I was helping someone, (which should have been obvious to him anyway). He had already walked away before I could say a word. I came to the conclusion he misconstrued my sending a friend request as I wanted to go out with him, or that I was interested in him sexually. We were both married, so it would make sense for him to start avoiding me if he thought I was showing interest. Or, maybe he just didn't find me attractive, and started becoming disgusted at thought of me liking him. The truth is, I did it because I had recently moved to a new area, and was looking for new friends. It was really simple as that. It got to the point where I couldn't stand the sight of him, because he started to seem more and more full of himself. I realized he wasn't nearly as friendly as I initially thought, since he was capable of treating someone the way he treated me. I'll never know what his deal was for sure. After I quit, I sent him a Facebook message, clearing things up for him, just to get my own personal closure. I knew even if he didn't respond (which he didn't), I'd have the satisfaction of bursting his bubble, so to speak. I didn't even do it in a rude way. My only regret is that I never spoke to a manager about him. Maybe someone over his head could have resolved the issue for me. The reason I didn't was he didn't really DO anything that could be reported. I know now I should have done it anyway. My guess is similar to my situation, he thinks there was a hidden motive behind your friend request, whether it be to date him, have sex with him, or something else. Regardless, it has made him uncomfortable. People are SO touchy these days, and it's way too easy to offend someone. I wouldn't read too much into it. Write him off as a drama queen, and if you have to, speak to your manager. He does NOT have the right to make YOU uncomfortable at work.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (15 July 2014):
I don't know, but i do know that it is only Facebook and nothing at all to stress over or be embarrassed about. Just act like nothing happened, because that, in reality, is EXACTLY what happened- nothing.
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