A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So I want to have a sleepover with four friends (5including me) but my parents do not approve of one of my friends and say they don't want me to invite her. The problem is, not knowing my parents would object to her staying round, I told her my plans for the sleepover and everybody who was invited (including herself). She's all excited to come round and the same goes for the rest of my friends and I don't want her to be upset but my parents don't want her in the house. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): Thank you for your helpful advice.
We do not argue or anything beforehand, nothing happens at all. It's very strange but I do not want to risk it.
To be brutally honest when this does happen her father/my mother does not help. She never invites me to her mums house (her parents are divorced). My mum just tells me to go to sleep but I have to sit up and wait for hours and hours.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): I don't think your mother dislikes you friend per se but she doesn't like the apparent negative effect this friend has on you. She seems to make you feel downright miserable at timesSo you're saying that whenever you and this friend get together for any length, either one of you ends up having a sustained anxiety attack which, in turn, leads to you falling out (or at least not talking for a while). I'm sure you're pretty unhappy after these episodes. And your Mum has to live with the aftermathIf you only have these kind of attacks/issues when you're with this girl, then it's not surprising that your Mum doesn't want you spending much time with you as she appears to be making you miserable.Do these episodes always happen during sleepovers? What happens? Do the two of you argue or disagree beforehand? I expect that your Mum (or someone else's Mum if it's a sleepover at somebody else's place) has to get up and provide support and comfort to the person who's having the anxiety attack. I can understand your Mum not wanting to have to do this - especially if it can be easily avoided by not having this girl stay over.I would not fix the date of the sleepover yet to give yourself a chance to talk to this friend about the situation. Tell her that you are concerned that the last sleepover(s) didn't go too well and that you want to make sure that the same thing doesn't happen. Don't blame her for any previous events as this is something that seems to happen to BOTH of you - make sure you make it sound like a joint effort. You can say that your Mum is also keen to avoid any repeat preformances.If this discussion goes well and you can decide how best to help each other, go back to your Mum and discuss it with her further to see if she's happy for you to invite this girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): I asked my mum why she doesn't want her in the house and she told me "she's...funny..." She also pointed out that whenever I get together with her, one of us gets ill. A couple of sleepovers I had panic attacks that lasted from like 10pm till 4am and it's really creepy but kinda stupid. We both suffer from anxiety and when it's not one of us it's the other (having panic attacks). Every sleepover we have results in us feeling awkward around each other and then suddenly she stops speaking to me. She left the school and I wanted to invite her to have a good catchup with all of us. This may sound totally bizarre but it's true and I hate it. Thanks for your advice
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (15 July 2014):
Did your friend do anything to deserve it? Is this just because of her appearance?
If she actually did something that they have an issue with, then I think you need to be honest with your friend and tell her that your parents "feel uncomfortable with her coming to the sleepover because.... "
If it's her race or her style I think that if I was you I'd talk with my parents and tell them you're canceling the sleepover because you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings. Maybe this will get you some sympathy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): It might be a good idea to call-off the sleepover for now.
You need a clearer understanding as to why your parents don't want this particular girl at their house. Did they tell you why?
She is as much of a friend as the rest of the girls, and she wouldn't understand why you would still have a sleep-over; if only she isn't invited.
If she is the same age as yourself; I can't image why your parents wouldn't approve of another 13-15 year-old girl? It would be best to say you had some problems about the sleep-over and you have to cancel. Get on that immediately!
Your parents set the rules, it's their house, and they can refuse any guest they want. I just hope it isn't something that will hurt her feelings. Please don't tell her that your parents disapprove of her. Whatever reason they have, it's not your problem.
If she has been in recent trouble, or she has a reputation for mischief; then you should have considered that before offering your invitation to your parent's home. Take a little responsibility for this. You must always clear your list of guests with your parent's, and receive full permission before you pass out invitations.
If you want to remain friends and not hurt her feelings; cancel the sleepover until your parents give you clearance for all your friends. It's all, or none. I cannot advise you against your parent's wishes. We are not here for that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2014):
 "Mom, I didn't know that you would object to Josie being invited to my sleepover. I really don't want to hurt her by uninviting her. What can we do to resolve this without hurting her or canceling the sleepover?"
Why don't your parents want her in the house?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): You need to postpone it (if it's this month) and find out WHY your parents don't like her and ask them if you could find a compromise. Try to be mature about it.
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