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female
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anonymous
writes: When my bf and I started dating we were both active in the mormon church. One of the things they believe in is not drinking. I found out months into dating that he drank alot in high school and after hs. Then served a mission for 2 years, and when he came back got back into drinking. When we started dating I had no idea that he still had this issue. Now after dating for 2.5 years the issues have gone from 1)beginning-he hid it from me, but i always could tell 2)trying to be more sneaky, with mouthwash etc, but i could still smell it, 3) to now i finally am just trying to accept him for him and love him unconditionally so he now will even drink in front of me. He's told me that eventually he wants to stop drinking all together. It actually got to the point where he enticed me and i started drinking (very occassionally) now i feel bad about it and wonder if he thinks that just because i started drinking with him its ok and so its easier for him to keep doing it his life.Please know that this is the way we were raised to not drink, so please do not judge, its all i knew.Im also waiting after 2.5 yrs...to figure out if this is something i could live with "not knowing" if he will ever stop drinking. If i get married to him i wouldnt want it.I really dont want to give an ultimatum...any ideas? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (20 September 2006):
 Being religious and having those beliefs can hinder the ability to stop a bad habit unless you go to the proper authority in your church and start the repentance process.
Both of you being Mormon there is one thing you can do to make your relationship work without going to an ultimatum. Your BF might not have the guts to do it, but you can lead and he will follow.
If your not attending church right now look up in the phone book for the closest LDS church and call on Sunday. Ask to talk to a missionary and find out who your Bishop is and get his office number. Then make an appointment with your bishop. Keep that appointment and try to get your BF to come along as support if nothing else. Confess of every sin including the drinking. Follow the steps of repentance and heal your own soul. Become active again, let your faith grow, accept the support of your bishop, and reach out to the members of your ward.
Then treat your BF as if he had taken care of the problem and is working on it, no matter if he is or not.
Faith is a powerful thing and will help you get through anything this world can throw at you. Being Mormon, and christian is not easy in this world if you have faith and are not practicing your religion.
It won't be easy, but you seem to want the relationship to work, but need the drinking and lying to stop, and an ultimatum isn't the direction you want to go.
I really hope you remember the things you learned in YW's and get that appointment.
Write me if you ever need an understanding ear.
Good Luck!
CTR!
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