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Why would he even ask if I want to have sex with other men?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 April 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for two years now. We have always been happy and very much in love. My boyfriend is very protective which makes me feel special enough for him to care how other boys act around me. He has always told me he would hate to see me with someone else. Yet lately he has asked me if i would have sex with other men. I hate the thought of someone else touching me and having sexual intercourse. But most of all it has upset me that my boyfriend would even ask. Its been getting to me so much im not sure if its for the best to walk away from him. What should i do ?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (12 April 2011):

Honeypie agony auntI'm going to quote you OP:

"But now im starting to wonder if he has slept with someone else and he wants me to so it doesnt seem so bad on him. Im just so confused. I feel unloved and confused. "

That is entirely possible. I would not bring it up again if it makes him throw hissy fits. However, if HE brings it up again, you can tell him what you think. What you believe is OK and not OK in a relationship. What you consider cheating and so forth. Nothing wrong in clarifying your set of morals and values.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have tried talking to him and he just goes in a mood. He gets stroppy and shouts at me intill im in tears. I can't talk to him without feeling like im doing something wrong by wanting to talk about it. The thing is its so sudden and out of the blue. In the beginning i thought maybe he was watching porn and it was something he thought he wanted to do. But now im starting to wonder if he has slept with someone else and he wants me to so it doesnt seem so bad on him. Im just so confused. I feel unloved and confused.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (11 April 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntIs he asking you in a way as in a test? Or is he suggesting that you sleep with other guys?

It doesn't make any sense for an overprotective to suddenly suggest you sleep with other guys. Either he's wanting a hall pass to sleep with other women, or he is secretly into swinging. Those are just my guesses.

Honeypie is correct, we can only speculate. It's up to you to fully communicate with your boyfriend to find out where this is coming from; don't distance yourself from him. If he wants you to sleep with other men, and you don't want that (I don't blame you) then it's time you two part ways. Because you're not seeing eye to eye on this relationship anymore.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He has always hated it when I'm around his friends. Especially of the one. He says that he doesn't like how close they are to me yet he wants me to sleep with a stranger. The thought makes me feel completely sick. I don't know what's for the best. I love him dearly. Yet I'm not sure if by asking me this he feels the same.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (11 April 2011):

Honeypie agony auntI would ask him WHY he is bringing it up. Is it part of HIS fantasy? Is HE worried about you wanting someone else?

TALK to him. We can only GUESS at why he might bring it up.

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