A
male
age
30-35,
*BAuer
writes:I have been together with my girlfriend almost 10 months and she fell inlove with me after a month and I soon recipricated the feelings. We are so close with eachother all the time and in my opinion have a great relationship. We have minor trust issues with eachother and we both worry if we go out on the town we will cheat, although it had never happened. She had a guy text her for ages intermittantly the first few months of our relationship (only recently has she told him to stop talking to her yet he texted her again last week) which drove me insane because altho she said she didn't fancy him she still texted him knowing it was upsetting me because he fancied her and she knew it. She loved the attention of another guy which is why she refused to stop texting him when I asked her to, saying they 'are just friends'. Yet one night it came to boil when he texted saying he loved her. The amount of arguements and fall outs we had because she kept texting this guy back and he would always visit her at work was ridiculous and I was amazed she let it continue, as if it were me having a girl text me and I saw how much it upset her I would tell her to leave me alone immediatley. She even used to use this guy as a tool to wind me up, on her birthday I asked for one of her best mates phone number so i could text and ask what time she was getting to the party and she got so annoyed at this she started texting the guy again to get back at me for texting her mate as she knew how much it wound me up. Anyway as far as I know nothing happened in the end with ehr and this guy but the bottom line to that information is that despite all their texts to eachother she was never secretive and had 'nothing to hide' from me. SO last night her phone goes off and i look at it and its a text from a guy whos name i never heard of and she looks at the text and it reads 'Goodnight X'. I didnt know what to do or say and I wanted to know who he was and why the hell hes texting her saying that and what she been sayin to him? She said hes a guy who works with her shes only known for 2 days and they are just 'really good friends'.So can somebody tell me why would they swap numbers basically after meeting at work straight away? Why do they need eachothers numbers if they are jsut friends cant they jsut talk at work? Why was she hiding it from me this time and deleting his texts when with other guys she 'had nothing to hide'.Have I got something to worry about here or is it just me? I cant stop thinking about what to do and what shes upto at work with him. I dont understand coz im friends with girls at work yet we dont swap numbers and even if i was asked i would politely refuse knowing it would prob upset my gf and theres no point. She also thinks hes good looking so she's obviously attracted to him. She tries to justify it by saying he knows shes got a boyfriend but he wouldn't give a toss if he fancies her. Guys don't, I am one and in the past I have flirted with girls who have boyfriends iv never seen because out of sight out of mind. But she says him texting her saying 'goodnight x' is jsut as a friend but thats not something id text to my friends unless i fancied them! What shall i do? :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (20 December 2007):
 Ok buddy - you are starting to hurt and it'll probably get worse. She is only 18. In a way, she's right. Why get tied down at that age? I think you can guess where this is heading. All I will say to you keep hold of your dignity. If she wants to finish it, hold your head high and be strong.
Good luck
A
male
reader, WBAuer +, writes (19 December 2007):
WBAuer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I've just spent the last few days out of my mind feeling sick coz of this sensing something was wrong and we have finally talked it out. She says she is scared about us moving in together (we were gona move into a flat in the new year) and shes having second thoughts about everythig coz shes 18 and wants to enjoy life. Me too, but she's my first love and this is so f**king hard you have no idea. I want to stay with her but I said to her I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to and if she doesn't want to be with me then i will have to take it on the chin and deal with it. It's just we live in such a close knit town, work literally 2 shops away from eachother and would see eachother all the time at weekends. I still love her and she loves me and the most painful thing is it seems like it has come to an end prematurley coz i was still having so much fun. Anyway I'm gona stop here now, my eyes are still bleary and im still not thinking straight. Thanks for your advice it was very helpful.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (17 December 2007):
Hi - The simple answer is that she likes to have men interested in her. She is either encouraging their behaviour or not turning down their interest. So if you are at the stage of an exclusive commitment, then yes, I would say you need to be.... concerned (I won't use the word worried).
She's not actually doing anything really wrong. It's just how she is. How old is she? This can simply be a matter of maturity.
What can you do? You are responsible for your bahaviour, she is responsible for her behaviour. Other than convey your feelings about it, there isn't much more you can do. If she persists, which she is, then you have to ask yourself if this is what you want. Start thinking about an exit plan. If you don't think you can handle this type of behaviour, then she's not for you, despite the fact you love her. It happens a lot, both ways.
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (17 December 2007):
 Your girlfriend may say she loves you, but I don't think she's ready to be tied down to one guy. Right now, she's getting alot of attention from different guys and she's enjoying the ego-trip. Truthfully, she's keeping them all on a string (including you) until she makes her mind which one she really wants. Caution: this could take years. Your girlfriend is young and immature for her age. If she wanted to be committed to just one guy, believe me, she wouldn't have so many loose ends to tie up. It's pretty simple. You could set some ground rules about what is appropriate dating behavior but you both have to be in agreement about what's right and what's crossing the boundaries. If she truly loves you, she should have no problem telling these guys to stop texting her, and to stop giving out her number to every Tom, Dick and Harry that sniffs around her crotch. If she doesn't agree with your requests, then you can rest assured, she's still playing the field, keeping her options open. She may be more in love with the idea of having a "safety net" boyfriend, than an actual committed relationship. You just have to decide how long you can hang onto the illusion that you actually have a future together.. You deserve better.
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