A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my partner for 4 yrs and have 2 children from a previous marriage.Two years ago i left my home to live with him some 60 miles away. All was well we get on just slendid but he hates one of my children. A few months ago he asked us all to leave his house as he could no longer tolerate this child anymore. Friends were all shocked as my child is quite well behaved. I then moved back to near where i lived before. He was very keen to keep the relationship going as i still financially require to work near his house 3 days a week and stay over 1-2 days a week. We went away for a weekend and he agreed to get engaged but very much on his terms. A marriage in the distant future and for me to move back with him investing money in a joint property but keeping his own. What do u guys think i should do?
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female
reader, mikkicarranza +, writes (8 December 2008):
Well, I think that he knew about your kids when he met you so to make you choose between him and your kids he has to really be a jerk. I would dump him. He knew he was getting a package deal when he met you. I would run fast and run far away from him. I had a simular situation because my partner when I met her she knew I had 4 children from a previous marriage and after 6 years together decided she did not like my kids. Well I told her "do not make me choose because you will lose". Well she told her that if she was to ever treat my kids badly or make them feel uncomfortable in our house that I would leave. Well she has been ok, but at times she makes her comments and faces and we get into a big fight. However, that does not stop me from having my kids with me when I want them there. I think you have to decide what is more important to you either him or your kids. With me it is my kids. I love them to death and not partner or husband will change that. The good thing is that my kids know they come first with me so they appreciate and love me for that.
A
female
reader, MzNonchalant +, writes (21 September 2008):
 I think you should talk to him (not about marriage) about why he doesn't like your child. You should talk to your child as well. And although I don't know either 0ne of you, you shouldn't marry him.
There's only so much a child can do to make the man not like him. If he loves you he should know your children are apart of your life and they aren't going anywere so he should learn to love that child as well as the other. As an adult, him not liking your son sounds odd and childish on his part.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Your children always comes first, he hates your child. He dislikes your son enough that he kicked you out. You should have ended the relationship then, not gone back. If your son done nothing to deserve the hatred, I fear for him.
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A
male
reader, a8472c +, writes (21 September 2008):
I had a similar experience when I was a kid. About 6 months after my mother divorced my father, my mother met this guy and he ended up living with us for 2 years. However, this guy hated my guts. He never physically abused me, but he would deride me and verbally abuse me everyday, calling me "stupid," "loser," "moron," "liar," etc. He would steal money from my bedroom and break my stuff. My mother knew this was going on and did nothing about it. Eventually, the guy ended up going back to prison and my mother met another guy who she later married.
That was about 8 years ago and I am not on speaking terms with my mother...
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A
female
reader, Heart of Gold +, writes (21 September 2008):
Does not sound like a good move. A marriage should not be based one sided. It should be mutual. You and your children are a packaged deal. Sounds like you should find a man that will love you and your children. Sounds like he may be a bit controlling as well. You do not need this and neither does your children
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): I can't see anything too wrong with his terms - could be he feels the need to keep his existing place as a bolt-hole in case things go wrong.
Speaking of which, you don't hate someone for no reason. Could be your child gives him a real hard time( very commonplace, given the circumstances)but comes all over as sweetness and light in your company. Kids can be cruel bastards and deceiptful too so be sure your child may not be as innocent as you believe. You and your partner need to be open and honest about that point. He may be scared of alienating you if he voices his feelings about this child, as a mother/ child bond is almost unbreakable and therefore, you would be very biased. And you, you need to keep an open mind on the subject and not automatically assume your child is blameless.
I do wish you all good luck - communication/ open mindedness and compromise is the key.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (21 September 2008):
 Oh my God woman, don't do anything that is solely on his terms and as for him hating your child, that is totally unforgivable.
I would dump this nasty bully and find a real man, who realises that your children are very much your life.
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A
female
reader, the.archer  +, writes (21 September 2008):
i think this seems very strange... has he always been against your child or did it only happen when you moved in together??ok i obviously don't know the full story but in my opinion marrying this man and moving back in with him would probably have a very bad effect on your childs upbringing... he says he hates your kid but, well behaved or not, what kind of grown man hates one child so much that he's asked you all to leave.. he knew you had kids when you met him... plus you say he's "agreed" to get engaged... all on his own terms.. sorry but it sounds like he's only doing this so he can benefit from the situation with you helping him buy another property.. there's no mention of love!plus, what happens if u do marry him and he decides he still hates your child?? its not a very good environment to raise your kids in and could probably affect them badly in the future if he's supposed to be their father figure!
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