A
female
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anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,I've been dating this wonderful guy for over 2 and a half years. He is my best friend, and he has always treated me amazingly.Recently we had sex for the first time and lost our virginities to one another, and we've talked about how after college we want a future together. We've always been realistic, in that we might not stay together but we love one another, so I thought as long as we try, maybe it could work out.Last night however, he threw two bombshells my way. He doesn't think he can be with me if my brother is too big a chunk of my life (he is autistic, severly so, and I will one day be his primary care giver), and he cheated on me by kissing one of my friends a couple months ago.He hurt me so much, I'm still crying over it. I'm shocked. He was my rock. I haven't broken up with him since he is as emotionally distraught as me, and I still want him to be happy...Can I trust him again? Should I still open my heart to him? I have no idea and any suggestions would be so appreciated.Thank you
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female
reader, blackberry008 +, writes (30 September 2008):
 Look, he deserves a second chance BUT you are just giving him another chance to hurt you again.
If he really loves you he will support you in what you decide for your brother.
If I love someone, I would not let go of his autistic brother. True love accepts everything. He should not be this way.
Talk it over. And decide together.
A
female
reader, balletgrl +, writes (22 September 2008):
This is a really tough question. I mean I don't normally think that one kiss is enough to ruin a relationship. I'm just worried that if he is already doing things like that then who knows what he is capable of in the future. I'm just worried that you might strain your relationship with your family because of him and then he will cheat on you again or even leave you. But you know him better than I do. It sounds like you are having a hard time with this. Follow your instincts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's more that he's afraid of my brother than doesn't like him(I never really knew that since he's always been so nice to him) and I can understand that he wouldn't know what it's like since his family is "normal". We've talked about the brother portion, and he doesn't want or expect me to cut my brother out of my life when I'm older, he's just afraid of having to live with him which almost 100% will not happen. I will just visit him all the time and be the one with financial power and guardianship over him, and my boyfriend respects that my brother is the most important person in the world to me and that will never change.
That's why this portion isn't hitting me as hard as the other. We can work on this and if he pushes against my brother and I staying close, he's gone. period.
However, dating wise, he broke my trust, and he kissed this girl after we had sex and I gave him my full trust and to know that everytime he said he did too was a lie, hurts like hell. Is this negotiable in a relationship...or is one kiss enough to ruin everything we've ever said or done?
Thanks for answering my question so far, but I thought I'd clarify a bit more.
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A
female
reader, Heart of Gold +, writes (21 September 2008):
I agree with balletgrl. Your family and especially your brother will need you. I know it is a big responsibility to have a brother with special needs. My son was born with special needs. My other two boys have been there for him through happy times and not so happy times. My oldest son has a girlfriend of six years (looks like a wedding soon)She would not have it any other way. From day one she has been very supportive and understanding. There is a supportive and understanding man out there for you!
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A
male
reader, Nathan Weast +, writes (21 September 2008):
hey, listen, you've been with this guy for two years? and both you lost your virginity to each other? That's something special right there; I know it's not part of your question, but I recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend, and it was her first time too, we have been dating 9 months. about your brother, yeah you can still make this work, i mean, if he has a problem with him, then why don't you go to see him every once in a while, but if he disagrees then i'm sorry, but he needs to get use to the fact that you have a brother and you want him in your life a little, atleast. you know? don't be afraid to argue over this, if you two truly love eachother you will work over this and be happy. trust me.
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A
female
reader, balletgrl +, writes (21 September 2008):
I would be more upset about him not accepting your brother than him kissing your friend. It seems selfish to ask someone to make such a big sacrifice. Your brother needs you much more than your boyfriend does and he should be your top priority. Try to break things off with your boyfriend and do the right thing for your family. It seems like he can't be trusted anyway and you may end up turning your back on your brother and losing them both. No guy is more important than your family and you will find someone who has the same values that will respect you and your brother.
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