A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have a very satisfying sex life and I was surprised when he began asking about threesomes and open relationship. What irks me about this is that this only started when we met a friend through a friend, and she happened to be "cute" by his standards. My boyfriend has said that he would never do anything without my permission but... he also has said that he has urges. I'm not going to lie, this makes me feel less desirable to him.Anyways, we've talked about it, but I noticed right away that he took a liking to her. And he asked her if she would have sex with him if he was in an open relationship, before even asking me. She said no, but needless to say I was extremely pissed off and hurt when he told me this.I can barely stand seeing him check out other woman, I could never stand by while he is having sex with someone else. I know that it will end in disaster as I cry just thinking about it but I'm afraid that he will act on these urges. He has cheated in the past but those were in relationships he wasn't serious about at all... I know he doesn't want to ruin ours, but will that stop him from flirting?On top of this I am only able to see him 2 times a week as opposed to seeing him every other day like before. We had sex often, so I know that the lack of sex is making him more... well, you know.If this had happened when this specific girl didn't show up, I wouldn't be so hurt, but I know that this is about her. When he suggested the threesome he wanted to put himself inside her and I said definitely no, I am barely bisexual (i used to be but no longer am attracted to women) and don't want to see him inside someone else. When I said no to a threesome and definitely no to "permission" to have sex with another girl, he asked about if we could roleplay it. We've roleplayed before, but never to specific people and definitely not with me acting as a friend. I said definitely not because I am not her and it offends me.He apologized in the end and said that he is just having urges and doesn't know how to deal with them... but I feel like this will end bad. I do not want to hang out with the girl he has urges for any longer, and am sure that if I ever did go through with a threesome and she even had her hand on his penis, I would never be able to look at it without thinking of that image.I tried to switch the situation around and say, "Well, what if it was a guy and I wanted him inside of me? Wouldn't that make you upset?" He said yes a little... but I know him, he's very possessive, and he would be very mad. I feel like he is just trying to persuade me...And it's just making me upset. My worst fear is that he will find her more exciting and new, and interesting, because we have been together for a while and possibly I'm not attractive anymore? What should I do??
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flirt, sex life, sex with another, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011):
My answer:
Dump him!
He is trying to pressure you into something you don't want to do. He is disrespecting you. He has cheated on other women in the past. Move on!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): This is the poster. I have told him how I feel and he says that it was a bad move on his part and he's sorry. I told him I don't want to hang out with her at all anymore and I haven't gotten much response on that. For now it's a "let's forget about it" situation so I will not mention it, but I will definitely keep it in mind from now on.
This is the first girl that has been around as a friend that isn't "unattractive" by his standards. So... let's see where this goes and if there's any sort of signal that he's still interested... there's going to be a confrontation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): I don't know the bases of your relationship and why does he feel the right to be thoughtless and disrespectfull towards you, has this relationship always been like this? Him wording out crap carelessly of how it may impact you? Oh may what a nightmare, so his possessive and would hate to see you with someone else?... can't he conceptialice that you got feelings to? Does he really need to be told this?
If he asks and you put your foot down and let him know that there is no way, that should be the end of it. If you firmly say no and he keeps insisting then, he just out to get what he wants at any expens, and would accept a yes from you with no remorse, even if you where crying your eyes out as you agree to it.
An other thing is... I hope he knew what a chance he was taking by asking you this question, because you where either gone agree to it, or refuse and live with the dubts in your mind. How would you ever know he wouldn't go behind your back and do it?... he has already started working the ground, and with someone close how careless, that guy of yours is only got one head and it does not have a brain.
Your choice, you say he wouldn't do anything to ruin this with you? Does hitting on a mate not count at all?... I don't want to sound harsh but it looks like the only reason he told you about a threesome OR (urges), is because this girl he likes is fairly close to you and he was scared that rumors will go to you, so he tho he was playing safe, is call have your cake and eating it to, other women to sleep with no commitment, and someone waiting with your dinner at home.
Great times
A. D. P
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 May 2011):
 How old are you? I'd be heading for the hills by now. This guy has signaled very clearly that he wants sex with outside partners and has referred to them as urges he doesn't know how to handle. You might be sexually satisfied but he's shopping for sex partners without discussing it with you first. So now all your friend know your man is actively looking? Nice. Very nice. NOT.He actually lost me when he asked that 'hypothetical' question of the girl friend. That's a man who's laying groundwork for stuff you've said 'no' to...Get out of the relationship, let him go and have his busy sex life (and his share of STDs) while you regroup and find a guy who is able to handle his libido like a grown up, not an oversexed spoiled brat. Run like hell.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 How horrible for you. What an awful situation to be in I feel very sorry for you. This guy doesnt seem to care about your feelings at all or about your self confidence. I will give him credit for being open and honest with you though because not many guys are. But you just need to keep your foot down and be firm with him. I really dont think that he doesnt find you attractive anymore, I think it is more him just trying his luck to see if you would allow him to have sex with this girl. Hopefully this is just a phase and he will snap out of it but hunny you need to talk to him and tell him how he has made you feel. It is totally selfish of him to ask you for an open relationship so that he can have sex with another girl and it is even worse for him to ask you to pretend to be her. Its just thoughtless and horrible. You need to tell him how he has made you feel. Also if you where to have a threesome it would ruin the relationship believe me you would never be the same again. Therefore he needs to decide now whats more important you or some stupid fantasy that he has.
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