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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi everybody, hope you can help. I have a really good friend who I have known a few months and during this time I have developed strong feelings for him because he is an amazing, kind, funny guy. My problem is he was hurt in the worst way possible last year his long term girlfriend cheated on him with his mate and the relationship ended. (This also happened to me 6 years ago). She has pretty much destroyed him and any confidence he may have had hence he is not ready for a relationship at the moment. He confided in one of my friends (my friend was worried about me)at the weekend that he really does like me is really attracted to me and really doesnt want me to dissapear from his life and that he wants me to just be there for him, and that he really hopes I am still in his life when he is ready to trust again. I am really after some tips on how to handle this, act around him so that he knows that im always here for him wont pressure him anymore and let him get to know me properly and trust me. I would wait for him as he is the first man in years that I have been attracted to in everyway possible, trust and actually have genuine feeling for. Thank u x
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (10 October 2006):
 Honey, it's great that you would offer your shoulder to someone who is hurting and damaged. Your friend needs a good support system right now.
While he did not tell you directly, he is definitely not ready to work at a long term romantic relationship. This means you should not raise your expectations during his healing process. If you want to offer your shoulder to him then do so as a friend and see if this friendship evolves into a deep platonic relationship where each would do anything for the other. If you develop a profound mutual connection platonically, the romantic relationship is a bonus and may not even be a priority in the future.
Bottom line - rein in your feelings so you can be a true friend to this guy. Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, Beckah  +, writes (9 October 2006):
 It's not often you find a guy whose so sensitive (by the sounds of it). I have a similar problem except the boy is actually my boyfriend, and we have been together for over 10 months. It's not easy being there for someone when you have these feelings i understand that. Sometimes you feel like it's a one sided thing, and other times they can't explain their behaviour. The trick is to be understanding but don't let him walk all over you, you are your own person, look after him and look out for him, but don't jepodise your own feelings and happiness because of this. Your just not helping them. Basically the best thing i can suggest is that you take things slow, be honest, loyal and true to him as a friend because that is what HE needs right now. It's obvious that he respects and likes you too but the problem lies with him, and he should be the one to sort it out, if it's meant to happen you'll see it develop, and gradually grow. If not, then you've hopefully made a true friend. You can't have a relationship with somebody without being 'friends'. If you get the foundations of a good friendship sorted then whose to say that he won't feel ready to finally be in a relationship again, all it takes is trust.
Hope i've helped.
xxx
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