A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am very recently divorced. I was devastated by this , my husband left me and the children for another woman.For 25 years and long before I was married I knew this other man. I always liked him but sadly chose my ex husband over him and he then went on to marry someone else. Since I have become divorced this man has been back in touch. I really care for him but because of what happened to me and how hurt I was I could not possibly to do this to another woman. It would be hypocrisy at its height as i was devastated that my husbands girlfriend would go with a married man.It destroyed my family. This man has no children but I feel it is not right to even flirt with a married man. He has told me he would come to me if I was interested and I am but my conscience says no. Any views?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, cuck counselor  +, writes (28 August 2008):
If he is unhappy in his present situation he should leave his wife with no commitment from you.If he is not willing to do that, then you can be sure that he is not serious about you either.Don't make a commitment to an unhappy partner. Tell them they have to get their personal life in order first then you can both see where you are going as a couple.
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (24 August 2008):
 If he wants to be with you does this mean that his marriage is over anyway? If so then get him to end it first before you go any further. If he is not willing to leave her then maybe he never will. As you say you know how much it hurt you and how wrong it is so just tell him straight that you cant do that to his wife. x
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A
female
reader, Pharmgirl  +, writes (24 August 2008):
Hi,
I agree with Tisha,you should listen to your conscience. Obviously you know how it feels to have your husband betray you like that...do you really want to be the cause of the pain to another woman?
Unless he doesn't love his wife, or they are having problems in it, it would be wrong to say yes to the man. If he does truly love you and is interested in having a proper, long term relationship with you, he will know to end the relationship he has with his current wife. Otherwise, everyone is just going to get hurt, when his wife finds out if you and the man ever do get together.
I understand that it is a hard time for you right now, and even harder to choose whether to say yes or not..but follow your heart. From what you have written, it seems as if you are struggling with your conscience as well..think carefully before you say yes. =)
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, aka ms phoenix  +, writes (24 August 2008):
 Don't do it!!! You have already answered your own question. Nothing good will come of it and many will be hurt by it, especially you. Coming off of a situation as you just did, this is the very last thing you want to do or even think about. First off you are feeling the rebound effect of being dumped. You miss having someone in your life, good or bad. Second, you are too vulnerable. Get a hobby. Do whatever you can to get yourself out amongst people. You will meet someone for you. I know, I have been there and done that!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 August 2008):
 Listen to your conscience. Do you really want to be the 'other woman' when you've been in the wife's shoes? I agree that it would be the height of hypocrisy to 'go' with him. I doubt you'd be able to live with yourself if you did go through with this.
If he really wants to be with you, in a real relationship, let him end things with his wife, so that you two could begin dating as single people.
Doing the right thing tends to be the best idea, don't you think?
Good luck, and I'm sorry that you've gone through a devastating divorce. You don't want to add anymore devastating divorces to the world, I think.
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