A
female
age
36-40,
*arenna
writes:Hi there!!!I need advice... I've been in a relationship for 2 years now with a great guy, he's amazing, and he loves me but he has one problemHe's divorce and with a girl, that's not the problem, when we met he just had separated from his ex for aobut 6 months, more less, so he was still married, but lived in different cities and going through a difficult divorce, after 8 months of dating, he finally got divorce and we continue dating, few months later we broke up because he wasnt ready for a relationship, it didnt last long, a couple of days later he started calling and texting, honestly I love him a lot, so when we broke up I told him that I was going to be there for him, because I love him, that my feelings wouldnt change in a day, so if he someday realize that I was the one for him, he should look out for me, because maybe I would still feel the same, anyway, as I said, we never lost contact and a few weeks later we went out (he lived in another city at that time) and everything was like before, even better!!Our relationship grew so much, and we have been together since then but a couple of weeks ago we had a little fight, a misunderstood, but he got scared and started thinking about why he got divorce.He never talked about it a lot, but he said that he was in love with his ex, he thought he was the one and he wanted to spent the rest of his life with her, but after they got married, she change 180 degrees, she was another woman, totally different from the one she knew and got married, so they had problems and couldn't fix themHe's never been really open with me about it, and I know that maybe is not of my business, but I think that if it is affecting our relationship, he has to talk with me, so he can get over that fact! he told me that maybe that issue, about trusting someone, maybe is not going to change, but he says he believes in me, that he trust me and I swear to God, that I've been traslucent with him, I've never played a role or be fake with him, honestly!! and I dont know what to do, I feel sad sometimes about that fact but I dont know what to do. Please help
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broke up, divorce, his ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, carenna +, writes (9 September 2011):
carenna is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks all for your advice, it helps me a lot, and actually Dennise Marie, you're not harsh! you're just telling me your point of view, your advice and that is what ' asked for!! =DActually when we broke up that was the reason, he didnt doubt about what he felt for me, it was that he wasnt really to get into a relationship so fast, so deep, so we took time apart, actually like to weeks without any contact and after that he started calling me and the we got back together.But I didnt want to make you all feel that I was focusing too much on him, of course I'm concern but because of me of getting hurt, I dont doubt that he loves me and he is over his ex, we hav etalk about it a lot, but for what he has told me, he is afraid of getting hurt again, he realizes that I'm different, that our relationship is way different that the one he had.I'll let you know what happened, and thanks again for all your support!!
A
female
reader, Dennise Marie  +, writes (9 September 2011):
 There is no reason why you should feel like this is none of your business, because since the moment he started a relationship with you, this IS your business, too. You are a great woman, understanding and very loving for what i can tell, do not doubt for a second that you are, but you need to stop for a moment and realize that you are trying to make him do something that its only his to do, its like eating a meal on behalf of someone who is hungry. Moving on is not about finding a great person that loves you and cares for you to make you forget about the other person, is about LETTING GO of everything that pulls you to the ex and accepting the new plan that your life is going to follow.Its very easy for people to think that they are ready for a new relationship without moving on properly because we tend to get confuse between loving someone and feeling comfort from someone. And maybe he is not trying to use you, but because of all the pain it is very hard to think about other people, he might do selfish things without realizing it. So my advice is, first off, let him deal with this divorce stuff, he has to take some time and be himself, find his center, if you will. Second off, take care of yourself, it sounds like your are focusing too much on him and his problems, take time for yourself and your feelings, too. And third, weight your options out. Figure out if you think this is all worth it, and the consequences it might bring in the future, try to think realistically about what might happen later on. What if he does move on and gets over his trust issues? There is NO guarantee that he will establish a steady relationship with you, because right now it is not sure if he is with you for comfort or because he truly loves you. And lets say he does love you and you end up together, what if, after all this drama, you get a brand new set of trust issues against him and then end up in a messy relationship? You need to think this through because it is a hard situation for everyone in it, but only you know the reasons why you love him, and if you see that this will all be rewarding in the end or if you are just trying to "fix him" to avoid the pain of a breakup. I wish you the best of luck, and im sorry if i sounded harsh from time to time, i wasnt trying to, i just think that if this is going to cause you more pain later on, you shouldnt be wasting time on it. Better deal with it now that later
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): My bf also has trusting issues. Just do Ur best to convince him that he can trust you. He might not even still like his ex. He might think he does. But most likely, his mind is just playing tricks on him. So just do your best to make him realize that you love him. He is yours. And he can trust you with anything that you tell him or that he tells you. Let him realize that he can believe you. If he really loves you, he will try his hardest to trust and believe you. It may take time. But at least he is trying. If he does not love u, forget it. Your wasting your time trying to convince him anything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): He may indeed still love her, but he has yet to realize that the love has forever changed. he may also miss her, but there is a difference between merely missin gsomeone and wanting to be with them.
I am in a similar situation...divorced, with a child and engaged to someone new. I still feel a kind of love for my ex because we were together so long. But I am in a better relationship now.
Many guys have a bad habit of glorifying the past. He's probably missing the good times and forgetting the disconnect that broke them apart. Time should make him realize. I'd stick it out. He will probably come around. Just be there for him 100%.
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