A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok heres the situationI know alot guys look at porn, and i accept that, but recently our sex life has been next to nothing and we share a computer, and i recently found pictures saved on the computer of women...not just any women, women he knows... all the good looking female friends he has, he has there pictures, im assuming he gets them off facebook, and there not naked ones, but low cut shirt, sexy pose pictures. Thats kinda where i draw the line...its one thing to look at porn sites at unrealistic women who you'll never meet, but people he knows and sees everyday? am i over reacting here? it makes me wonder what else he's hiding... i guess theres no real question here, i just wanna know what you guys think about this For the men out there, is this normal? whould you do this if you were in a serious relationship? and for the Ladies out there, what would you do? would you let it go, or confront him? im afraid if i do, i'll end up looking like the untrusting one. Please help. Thank you so much
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): I don't know why your boyfriend would have those pictures except for the fact that they are his friends, and quite frankly most guys can't just be friends with girls, they have an underlying desire to have sex with them just like any other attractive female.
If he is committed to you and not cheating then I think you are overreacting. That said the fact that you can't trust him and your sex life has dropped off does not sound good, possibly your relationship has run it's course.
Most guys in this age group are not ready to settle down, they like having a girlfriend and a naked body in bed on a regular basis and they do have feelings, but they have no intention of settling down to happily ever after with you and being a girlfriend is kind of a trap.
If you take your focus off of him and not worry about what he is doing, and put your focus on you and what you want then you aren't going to be following him around in his confusion about whether or not he is on the same path as you are to happily ever after. In fact why don't you go out with other guys, even if it is just to grab a coffee, leave yourself open to other men and you just might find the one who wants the same thing as you and wants to step up and claim you as the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Because men don't see dating the same way we do, they don't see events as anything more than events, where we put importance on time spent, meeting the family and friends, etc, he just sees it as dating.
Until a guy steps up and actually claims you with a proposal and a wedding date, he is not actually committed to you, so why would you close yourself off to other men for a guy who is not committed?
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