A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:mmm...wenever i masturbate my boyfriend.. give him oral.. or we have sex with me on top.. he gets no pleasure out of it + tells me to stop.. :/ its been like this since the 1st time and wev been together nearly a year. he has always had problems ejaculating and gets nothing out of masturbating himself.. only wen hes doing stuff t me.. he is also often sore + tender after we do anything like that |: we've talked about this + i feel like its my fault + theres something wrong with me (we are each others 1st sexual partners)... tho i cant see wat i cud be doing wrong ??? is it me?:( please helpp Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RoseRead +, writes (7 December 2008):
Dr John makes some great points, but here's another idea....Has he been circumcised? I ask this as you say he 'gets no pleasure' or it 'hurts.' If he has not been circumcised, is his foreskin moving down, or is it still covering his whole penis when erect? If this is the case, and his glans is not exposed during sex, he may have greatly reduced feeling and also there may be the pain of his foreskin trying to stretch and sometimes tearing.
A
male
reader, lockey +, writes (25 September 2008):
hi im having the same problem and was wondering if it has been sorted yet and what you did to stop it coz i dont want to loss the girl im with now she thinks its all her fault and when i tell her it not she starts to cry what can i do to stop this from happpening to me?
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (1 December 2007):
 This problem comes up frequently here. Here is a previous reply I wrote about it:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-this-common-for-men.html
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (1 December 2007):
 I would not worry that it is you. I don't think it is but could be a problem solely with him.
There is a problem called Delayed or retarded ejaculation.
Some men have difficulty ejaculating or cannot ejaculate. Delayed or retarded ejaculation happens more often with intercourse and less often with masturbation. It can occur occasionally and may not be an ongoing problem. For example, after an excessive intake of alcohol a man may have difficulty coming. With some men, delayed ejaculation happens nearly every time they have sexual intercourse and is of concern.
Delayed ejaculation may be a physical problem or may be a side-effect of a medication, but more often, delayed ejaculation is caused by other factors.
The problem may be physical or may be a side-effect of a medication, in which case a medical practitioner should be consulted. More often, delayed ejaculation is caused by other factors. Some men, whose sexual stimulation most often derives from masturbation, cannot achieve the same pleasure from intercourse - the feeling is 'different', unfamiliar or not as strong.
Anxiety or embarrassment related to sexual 'performance'. Tension, anger or disappointment associated with your partner and/or relationship.
The practice of withholding ejaculation as a form of (unreliable) contraception.
Fear of injuring your partner or making a female partner pregnant during intercourse.
Childhood experiences or environment where a boy might routinely withhold ejaculations:
A strict home, where masturbation was frowned upon.
Religious or cultural background.
Experiences of sexual abuse.
There are yet other problems that it could be but the best advice is to have him see a doctor for proper diagnosis and treatment. Doc
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