A
female
age
36-40,
*my124
writes:My current sex life is great apart from one fact - my boyfriend gets a lot more pleasure than i do. I get a lot of pleasure from sex and foreplay but almost never climax from anything, and when i do, it takes a looong time. We have already tried the g-spot idea several times, but it seems to press on my bladder too much - i've tried to just push my mind past it but it becomes too uncomfortable, and i lose the sexual mood. He has also recently said he wants to try something new - which will only benefit him - and i'm rapidly becoming jealous. I don't want to be jealous of my bf, but with him having many regular orgasms and me having almost none, do you have any tips?
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foreplay, g-spot, jealous, orgasm, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Amy124 +, writes (22 July 2012):
Amy124 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I love the fact that my bf has orgasms, even if i don't, which is why i offer him one-sided pleasure ;) just because i don't have an orgasm doesn't mean he shouldn't either. My reason for thinking along these lines in the first place is because i must have read everything there is to know about female pleasure spots, and i get a strong impression that most girls are capable of a lot more pleasure than they think - as long as they know how and where to do it, and like i said, i've read a lot of stuff on the topic and still can't figure out how to do it. I find it hard to believe, for instance, that i don't have a g-spot, or my clitoris is 'too' sensitive etc. So it bugs me that after a rather long sex life, both solo and not, i can still only seem to climax through one method, and only on my own.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 I think what's really sad is that some people never get to enjoy orgasm. Either because they have partners who don't take the time or they themselves never take the time to learn what works for them.
We women aren't trying to avoid or hide an organs, we aren't trying to make your life difficult by hiding our sexual response. We aren't trying to be mean or nasty. We are trying to be honest.
For the women reading this: be honest with yourself. Figure out what works for you.
For the men reading this: we aren't trying to be mean, we WANT to have sex with you. You just have to realize that we are not like you, we are not sporting inside-out penises and if you just take your ego about your penis out of the equation, you may enjoy a really life-changing revelation.
We WANT to have orgasms with you! We do! It's a good thing!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 July 2012):
 "The flip side of this is those women who CAN orgasm easily from G spot stimulation and/or penetration - and they do exist - can end up feeling like freaks because of their 'ability', because the only voice we ever hear is that of the "clitoris is the only way" brigade."
I AM woman who can orgasm from penetration. It's the only way my partner can make me orgasm without a vibrator. I don't feel like a freak at all because there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm. All orgasms are clitoral orgasms (except the women who can think themselves into them I suppose). The G-spot is the internal top of the clitoris and even with G-spot, there are very few women who can orgasm from G-spot alone without touching the clitoris at all. Some maybe, but not many. Penetrative orgasms are still clitoral orgasms, not vaginal ones. Either because the woman is able to rub her clitoris on the base of his penis/pubic bone or from indirect stimulation (and sometimes from G-spot, but that's pretty rare).
There is so much pressure on women to have "vaginal orgasms" (they don't really exist) that many women don't even get to have an orgasm during sex and feel guilt for not being able to have them. There is intense pressure from media, porn, and partners to have them. Even though Freud died a long time ago, there is still this harmful idea that there are right and wrong ways to orgasm and that the only right way is to have her vagina stimulated by a penis. I have never, ever, ever, heard of a woman complaining of her fairly rare ability to have orgasms from penetration because she feels "guilt." Everywhere you look there are things telling women to have orgasms from penetration and that they should be rewarded for having them like that. I don't believe such a guilt over this exists from any woman. However, I have read hundreds of accounts from women who can't orgasm from penetration who feel such intense guilt about it that they feel they don't deserve an orgasm.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): I'm in somewhat the same situation. My wife regularly has numerous orgasms within in a short period of time. It has left me feeling like I was shortchanged in the biology sweepstakes.But, one thing to ask yourself: would you still be bothered if your boyfriend also didn't have orgasms? If the answer is yes, it seems to me your negative feelings are not completely due to a lack of sexual satisfaction, but rather a feeling that you got shortchanged. It's taken me awhile to realize that I am simply not biologically capable of doing what my wife does, and it doesn't make sense logically to allow her feelings of pleasure to diminish my own satisfaction.By all means, do explore other options as the other women have suggested because it sounds like you are capable of more. But I would also suggest trying to enjoy sex as a couple as much as possible, and try to keep the negative feelings at bay.
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A
female
reader, Amy124 +, writes (21 July 2012):
Amy124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDon't worry I would never fake orgasms, I think it's horrible to do so! I'm very happy with the pleasure i do get, and i've even said i don't mind the lack of orgasms because i'm happy to be getting all the pleasure beforehand. We just tried to explore extra options because out of the very few times i've climaxed with him, we both loved it - he loved it because it was erotic and he loves me having such pleasure, and i loved it for obvious reasons =P I do own a few toys but these end up feeling a bit more solo...
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A
male
reader, Geriatric Emo +, writes (21 July 2012):
 The flip side of this is those women who CAN orgasm easily from G spot stimulation and/or penetration - and they do exist - can end up feeling like freaks because of their 'ability', because the only voice we ever hear is that of the "clitoris is the only way" brigade.For those gals who accuse us guys of being too hung up on the G spot, and feeling that a woman somehow owes it to us to feel pleasure from our penises alone, you have to concede that your bodies are confusing to us guys, if only because of their diversity. Some women come in seconds from penetration and others take an hour of foreplay to even begin to get in the mood, some love having their clits stimulated and for others its unbearably sensitive, the list goes on and on. As opposed to us men who are much more uniformly "text book, push button" in nature.I find the diversity of female sexual arousal interesting but very strange, considering you've all got the same "girl's bits". Anyway for the OP, the only worthwhile advice I have other than "don't feel bad about yourself because all women are different" is, whatever you do, DON'T FAKE to make your boyfriend feel better about his own performance. That is the way to sexual ruin and misery.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 July 2012):
What Tisha-1 said x a million. I was in the same boat as you, my boyfriend was getting off every time and even if I worked VERY hard and even if he performed oral, used his fingers and did everything we could think of, it still took either such a long time that it wasn't fun anymore or much more commonly, just didn't happen. So I started resenting him and sex. We bought a vibrator that he can use on me and now I have them EVERY time without fail, without even having to try. Totally changed our sex life. I HIGHLY recommend you try it out.
Also what Tisha said about the G-spot thing is spot on I think. The G-spot is appealing because it is something vaginal and for some reason a lot of guys like to think a woman's vagina is her pleasure center/an inside-out penis.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 July 2012):
Buy a vibrator and introduce that into your mutual sex play. First though, I would recommend some time alone with it, so you can see what it can do for you. If you know how to reach orgasm now, the vibrator will make it easier and faster. If you don't know how to reach orgasm, the vibrator may help you discover that orgasmic response in you.
Guys get very focused on the Gspot thing because they want so badly for their penis to be the magic button and for the inside of your vagina to be the pleasure center for you. The fact is that for most women, there is no orgasm without clitoral stimulation.
It's okay.
Trying to ignore that would be like suggesting he reach orgasm without any stimulation of his penis. Not going to happen.
So relax, try out the vibrator and spend some time alone with it and alone with yourself. I needed a long weekend. It was worth it. Trust me. Once you know what's what with your personal sexual pleasure centers, there's no going back! You may find that you become multi-orgasmic, and while he may orgasm quickly once, you will be able to orgasm again and again and again in a short period of time. It'll make up for all those times when you didn't reach orgasm all that often.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 July 2012):
 Most women can only reach orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation. Are you this type of woman? If so, then you should do what a lot of other women do and either use your own hand to stimulate yourself during intercourse, or use a vibrator. This is an extremely common problem but it's very easily fixed...remember, men don't have female genitals, and most young men have no idea what a clitoris even is, let alone realize it's importance to female sexual satisfaction. It's up to you to teach him.
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A
female
reader, Amy124 +, writes (21 July 2012):
Amy124 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can orgasm by myself without fail, I was like a typical guy when i was a teenager, it was a regular habit. But it does take me quite a while, even when i'm mentally very aroused. It's even more difficult when someone else is there, as i become shy, but we've been together for a long time and i still can't orgasm without a tonne of effort and over an hour of time! He's had to give up on a few occasions because his tongue/hand/arm cramped up too much and i eventually started to lose my mood.
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A
male
reader, tbrownie +, writes (21 July 2012):
Have you tried using a vibrator during sex? It can be pleasurable for you and you can have an orgasm but he may also like it for him too. Me and an ex-gf of mine used to use them all the time. We had quite the collection at one point, and before we started using them she almost never had an orgasm but the vibrator sped things up tremendously for her and I enjoyed it also.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (21 July 2012):
 Do you maturbate and have orgasms by yourself? If you don't, it is time to learn what pleases you so that you can take control of pleasuring yourself while you are with him. You must learn how you like to be touched, where you like to be touched, and the rate of speed at which you need to go. Don't leave this all up to him to figure out as that could take years. You must help him help you to orgasm.
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