A
female
age
41-50,
*andygirl1978
writes:My boyfriend told me he has no sex drive he's 38 is this normal ? I don't know what to do I feel like its hurting our relationship if we do have sex I have to do everything and I'm not used to this at all not that I don't mind but every once in awhile I would like him to bust a move on me I have gotten tired of always starting and doing everything when we do have sex so we haven't in 3 weeks but now I have become sexually fussed please help I need advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): In my opinion it's common, but not really "normal".
Has he always had a low sex drive? If his sex drive has dropped off over the past few years, it might be due to a drop in testosterone. This could be a delicate issue, but you might ask him if he'd be willing to get his testosterone level checked.
If his sex drive disappeared abruptly recently, my best guess is that it's due to stress, possibly depression, or some other issue.
Also, as others have suggested, an ED issue might be causing the lack of sex drive. I don't have ED per se, but I do use Cialis at times because it improves erection quality, and the refractory time is much less. This, in turn, increases my sex drive because I know I can really . . . uh . . . you get the picture!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): Has he experienced any recent traumatic event? hows his weight? eating habits? work schedule? so many things can contribute to a lack of sex drive other than the partner (yourself). Good luck on this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): To be honest with you I had the same problem. It wasen't that I lost my sex drive its that I had problems keeping an errection. It really does make a person feel worthless about it and you end up losing a sex drive because of it. I'm betting if he goes into his doctor to get a physical and tells him of this issue and gets some type of ED medication that this is all this problem is. Problem is bringing this up as some guys are pretty delicate over admitting a problem like this.
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A
female
reader, thegraveyarddoll +, writes (21 March 2011):
have you discussed this with him? and it is normal. not all guys are sex starved wild animals. maybe there is a specific reason he isnt so into sex...possibly a bad experience...also, start looking around online for little things you can do...yes you still, for now. try sensual massages and different sex positions. ease him into it, start asking him to do certain things, try role playing randomly, cute little games (iou cards are fun- the "good for.." try making a cute one and slipping it into his wallet)
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Libido's come and go for a trillion reasons.I suggest a conversation that holds no contempt."So honey, can you talk about sex?"Keep it open anything goes, from more dirty talk to I think I'm gay. Anything must be allowed to be discussed with an "it's ok even if it hurts me or us" He may even want out of the RS or he may want someone else or he may be stressed or he may want to watch more football.The longer you put of talking, the more you will come up with your own answers which are probably all the wrong ones.If he refuses to discuss it, call it, or you will suffer something you never want to suffer, it will make you a martyr only in your eyes. Tell him, you need a mature and open RS, other wise growth is impossible. I will give you _________ weeks to think about talking to me, in the meanwhile we will exist as we are now, come that day however, hopefully sooner, the discussion must happen or I will have to leave our RS and it is something I do not want to do, but I will. I will not be stunted in my career, my personhood, or in my RS's. My RS's are not staring contests. You must talk or walk.
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